you make me doodle ♥'s all over my paper

i love [hope the zombies find] you. :P

Back in the beginning of the new year, I remember how everything worked out, and how I just loved life. I don't know where that feeling went.

[I want to say "I wish I never met you" but then I realize the hurt is worth the love you once showed me.]

Is there someone who walked out of your life as quickly as they walked in, someone who helped you through the most painful moment in you life. You attach yourself to them because you can't let them go, and no matter how hard you try, you just can't forget about them. Your best friend is happy when you tell her you haven't talked to him in awhile, and your heart drops and you want to cry. She doesn't understand how happy that person once made you feel. You hate talking to that person, but you can't stand not talking to them.

You wish you could take back the hours you wasted talking to them and every sleepless night. You hope that person is okay but you can never be sure anymore, because you can't even tell when you're okay. You hope that person misses you and thinks about you as often as you think about them. But you think/realize/know that that's probably not true. They probably never cared about you, and was more than happy to let you go. They may not be the same person you knew when you first met, but you still have hope.

*I've had some really crazy dreams about this one guy I used to know. Like really crazy, heart-pounding dreams that you wish could happen in real life. One was really nice. The other time he was brutally murdered right in front of me.*

"If I could give you only one thing in my life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes. Only then would you realize how special you are to me."

I also wish I could see how he sees me through his eyes. Maybe it would help me understand how he could possibly like me, and maybe I wouldn't feel as confused and lost. Or maybe with the sudden knowledge it would bring me even deeper into a black hole. Or maybe I'd learn something about him that I shouldn't/don't want to know about him or something that would make me see him differently.

[unless life also hands you water and sugar, your lemonade's gonna suck.]

I know soon he's going to want to know more about me, since he's been telling me a lot of stuff about him lately. So I thought I should write down a few things about me. Not stuff I would necessarily tell him, but it might be a good start.

1. I believe in true love. I always tell people otherwise, but I honestly do.

2. I love rainy days.

3. My favorite song at the moment is "Set the Fire to the Third Bar" by Snow Patrol.

4. I am an awful liar.

5. I love taking pictures, but never have anything to take pictures of.

6. I have never been ice skating [but I just went rollerblading yesterday! :)]

7. I love being home alone and being able to blast music as loud as I want to. :)

"I like you.
That's my secret. No hearts. No pretty drawings.
No poems or cryptic messages. I just like you."

Some guy who I know texted me last night and all he said was "I love you". (and no, unfortunately it wasn't "him", haha. :P)

I asked him about it, and all he said was
"My friend stole my phone and texted you something that was true"
And it got me thinkin'.

He doesn't even know me that well. How could he "love" me? We're only in high school. At least say "like" not love. I just don't get why people say that hate is such a strong word, but love is thrown around all the time like it's nothing. Is it because we're told not to hate anyone, but you should be able to get along with everyone? Hmm... even if it was "him" I'm pretty sure if he told me he "loved" me, I would still feel very uneasy.

But anyway I told him the truth. About how there's this other guy who I get along with really well and how I care about him oh so much blahblahblah. I told my bestfriend about it and she wanted to send him a message saying "she's MINE!!!!!!! leave her alone!!!!!" Haha, kind of made my night. :)

And this picture made my day:

"I hang my coat up in the first bar, there is no peace that I've found so far. The laughter penetrates my silence as drunken men find flaws in science. Their words mostly noises, ghosts with just voices. Your words in my memory are like music to me. I'm miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground. I pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your warm arms."

kthanksbye♥