So, this is my life. I am both happy and sad."

Over the past few weeks, Nick Drake has provided the soundtrack to my life.

It sucks that the older I get, the less Christmas feels like Christmas.

These past few days have been filled with boredom and dread.

I overestimated the amount of holiday cheer giving gifts and having a boyfriend over the holiday season would bring. Maybe its because he lives so far away, and I'm not used to being more than a few hours apart during the school year. It's been a week and I miss him terribly. I guess I'm lucky, in a way. But I wish I could have spent more of the holiday season with him. 

Christmas went by too fast, I really wish I could have a do-over. 

But sometimes life throws huge curve-balls at you that you just have to deal with. Ones that come at the most inconvenient times. 

But at least we'll [hopefully] have a White Christmas here in Texas.

“We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken.”

Over the past few weeks, I have learned that college is not all about studying and getting good grades. Some nights you have to stay up until 3 in the morning at the library trying to cram for a very important test. But other nights, you need to say "screw it" and sit in the back of a truck with some friends you met a few weeks ago, but feels like you knew them your entire life, and eat sketchy $2 soup you bought from 7-11 while stargazing. You need to take spontaneous road trips to San Antonio, or start making plans for a camping trip a week before you plan to go. You need to take walks and watch the sun set from the top of a parking garage and make memories.
I also found out that the best way to wake up is next to someone else.
Sometimes you need to break up with your boyfriend because you are so incredibly unhappy, even though you don't see anyone in the near future and are scared. You break up with him because he's boring and too grabby. And on that trip to San Antonio the next weekend you bond with a really nice guy. One who is very similar to yourself. One who likes you back.
I have never been happier than I have been these past two weeks. I wish I could go back in time and tell my past self that things truly do get better. The years spent self-loathing and being depressed and suicidal are so far back in the past, I could not imagine feeling that way now.

the sea is a good place to think of the future

The last few weeks have consisted of pumpkin carving, concert attending, movie watching with the boyfriend, a lot of walking and adventures, pool playing, music discovering, hair dying, tumblring, and late at night coffee drinking studying at the library.

I have barely been doing anything creative. No violin playing, drawing, taking artsy pictures or writing. I need to manage my time to incorporate these things that I love more into my life. I miss the art classes I took, my sketchbook back at home, and orchestra. I need to practice more often. I need more time alone.

I plan on posting on this blog more frequently. After I finish this post and a bit of homework, I'm going to try to draw something really great.