The Best Deceptions

My life at home and my life at college are two completely different things. I feel like two completely different people.
I miss being able to go out late at night. I can't walk down the street with my boyfriend at 2 in the morning to get some coffee. Or getting Jack in the Box with a friend at 11 because you woke up late and missed the deadline to get free dinner at a dining hall on a Saturday night and is a 1 minute walk from the dorm. Every place around here closes at 10 and you can't walk anywhere.
I miss being surrounded by people. Never feeling lonely, always meeting someone new. Now, I sit alone in my room for hours mindlessly watching TV or scrolling through Tumblr. My friends are busy: with their jobs, partners, or off on their own adventure in a different country. It has been two months since school ended, and I finally realized I need to embrace the loneliness; this is not something I will be able to enjoy up at school, but this loneliness and alone time is not something I will miss. I've been reading and drawing a lot more than I have the past year.
I miss smoke filled lungs and drunken nights at the hookah bar.
I miss walking everywhere and eating vegan food and all the squirrels that roamed the campus.
I miss cramming for exams a few hours before I have to take it, with sushi and a java monster helping me through it and the hours spent on my laptop doing schoolwork.
I want to re-dye my hair. I miss the purple I had in my hair last year. I want teal, or red, some outrageous color to compliment my natural brown hair. I want compliments from strangers not judgment from my parents telling me how ugly it looks.
I miss seeing my best friend everyday. I miss the nights spent at his dorm and the mornings spent laying in bed. I miss the video game and movie marathons we frequently had. I miss waking up next to him.


"i don’t know what to tell you
other than the fact that a giraffe’s
heart weighs 22 pounds and that
somebody once told me when
flies fall in love, their entire brain
is rewired to only know loving each
other. when one of them dies, their
memory becomes blank. i hope you
never think about anything as much 
as i think about waking up next to
you during a windstorm at 5 am."