Monday, June 22, 2009


"Come on in, I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in, I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones. That I started looking for a warning sign, when the truth is, I miss you. Yeah the truth is that I miss you so."

I do feel a ton better than I did from my last post. Friday night I also felt lonely when going to the movies with a different group of friends, a different girl and the same guy. But this time they were going out as a couple. It was my friend's last day here before she went on vacation for a week, that was the only reason I went along too.

I don't know if I regret going. Sure, I felt like crap. But it made me realize later that night that I just shouldn't care about those things, at least not yet. I know there's probably no one here I would want to go out with anyway. So why even bother worrying? I'll probably just go off to college (somewhere cold, no sun, maybe Alaska? Or Forks, that would be much better (: And most likely on a music scholarship, I would love to do something with music later in life. So, my point is, I shouldn't worry. I might not like this now, but I shouldn't care.

"This time I wonder what it feels like to find the one in this life; the one we all dream of. But dreams just aren't enough."

Whats your hidden talent? Music
You hear passion all around you, you can't help but stop study or work to hear people walking past. You seek perfection in the collection of sounds. If you're not a musician already, you should look it up.

"How can I forget you when you're always on my mind? How can I not want you when you're all I want inside? How can I let you go when I can't see us apart? How can I not love you when you control my heart?"

I don't have any big plans for this week, maybe go to the mall with some friends Thursday night, but that's really it. All of my friends are on vacation, so I can't wait for them to get back! I did go through all of my older posts on my older blog later today. I can't believe how much he controlled my life, my mind. Even more than that I can't believe how long it took me to get over him. It all just seems so ridiculous now, I'm just so glad it's over.

"I don't feel what you feel, I don't wanna feel this incomplete. And no one here can tell me how to fill this space between. Everyone knows you're my one regret. Everyone knows you're my one weakness."

Hope everyone has a great week, I'm gonna try to post more often during the summer!

Peace. (:

Thursday, June 18, 2009


"Did you know that I love you? Come and lay with me. I love you, and honesty, I love you, you make me feel alive. And I'll love you, until the end of time."

I've decided that I want someone there for me. Tonight I was with my best friend and another friend. It's obvious that he likes her, and I know he has for awhile, since the first grade. I just want to know what it feels like for someone to care about you, because sometimes it feels like no one is here. No one to protect me, like I'm out here all alone.

He cares about her so much, protects her from anything, it's ridiculous.

I know there is no one here I would go out with, and no one I could trust as much as this one guy that I just like soo much. I think he's here for me, but I can never be sure. I want something definite and I know I'll probably never get that from him. I know he's going to leave me soon, but I don't want him too. I don't know if I can handle it. And trying to ignore him is difficult, nearly impossible. I just can't do it. I know once he leaves I won't be myself, that he's gonna take a part of me with him.

But I also feel like I need to like him, more than I want to. No one else is here, and he just gives me a bit of hope that not all guys are bastards, some are nice, and things do work out in the end.

Though my only solution is just to be unhappy for another three years, waiting for someone to come along to find me, because I don't think I want to look anymore. Every guy I like doesn't like me back. And yes, I do want that superpower, where nearly everyone likes you. Even if it hurts in the end, I really don't care. I want to feel that pain. I know how stupid it sounds, but I just don't care. To just take that risk would feel amazing to me.

I know I still have my friends here, and I want to make the best with them. It's just sometimes you want that little bit extra.

^I wrote that last night, I was just so pissed off at that guy, he was acting like such a dick. I did have a great time last night, I took one of the biggest risks ever, doing something my parents told me repeatedly not to. And it felt pretty damn good.

Summer has been pretty good so far, other than last night. I'm not really sure what else to say. I'm still kind of unsure whether to post this or not. I think I might as well.

Monday, June 15, 2009


"Fine I admit it;
I think of you every second of every day. You're my favorite subject to talk about. When I hug you I wish I could never let go. Most of all my dreams have you in them. I always get excited when i see you again.
&& I'm completly in love with you."

I don't really have much to post about, I am just so devastatingly bored. This is the only part of summer I don't like, there's never anything to do and you get bored and actually want to go to school by the time it's July. Except I feel like I need to go back or I'm gonna jump off the roof or something.

It's like we anticipate summer to come. But when it's finally here, while we're enjoying the chance to sleep in (unless you're like me and have extreme insomnia and other sleeping disorders during the summer) and enjoy the sun (again, unless you're like me (;), you just want in to end, because most of the time there's nothing to do.

Though later I'm going shopping with a friend, that's gonna be fun! :)

"You could be my unintended choice to live my life extended. You could be the one I'll always love. You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions, you could be the one I'll always love. I'll be there as soon as I can, but I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before."

yep, another quiz:
You are a deeply complicated and sometimes deeply disturbed person.You can't help but be attracted to the dark side of life - even when it's pretty gruesome. In relationships, you are honest and real. So real that it's definitely a little scary.You don't fake it or play along just to get along. And people either respect this... or deeply resent itYour life is thoughtful, deep, and even philosophical at times.You see the world as it is. You don't sugar coat anything.Facing and fighting your fears is important to you. You believe that too much of life is whitewashed.You're not too morbid... you just believe that you can't enjoy life without exorcising a few demons first!At your best, you are brave, intense, and fearless.Not only do you face the abyss head on - you challenge your friends to do the same.At your worst, you are depressed and morose.If you're not careful, your thoughts take over your mind... and they aren't pretty!

^Not very true, but oh well.

& Now, I leave you with this quote:
"There were people everywhere on the city street, but the stranger could not have been more alone if it were empty."

Peace. :)

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Go To Sleep

"What a beautiful dream that could flash on the screen, in a blink of an eye and be gone from me. Soft and sweet, let me hold it close and keep it here with me, me. And one day we will die, and our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea. But for now we are young, let us lay in the sun and count every beautiful thing we can see. Love to be, in the arms of all I'm keeping here with me, me"

Wow, it's been awhile since I posted, hasn't it? At least I have a ton of stuff to say for once.

Last week was a bunch of fun, though I didn't really do much, just hang out. I went to Six Flags with one of my best friends on Friday. We mostly talked, hung out, and rode a ton of roller coasters:

[Titan, Mr. Freeze, Flashback, and Texas Giant]

I think I'm still sore from the Texas Giant. It hurt so badly. :/

It was so much fun though. It was nice to finally have someone I could talk to, about nearly everything. And someone my parents actually trusted me with, that's always a good thing.

Then, Friday night, two hours after I got home, my friend walked over to my house. Hers isn't too far away, so it wasn't too bad, It's just a lot of stuff had been going on in her life, she just had to get away from it all just for a bit. I had never seen her cry, so it was pretty bad to see her. I'm glad that she did come over though, even though it was for only a bit. I miss her so much, I wish I could see her every day, but I can't.

She's done some pretty stupid things, and I worry about her so much. I'm just so afraid of what might happen to her. Sorry, I know I'm giving absolutely no details, I just don't really want to say much about it. :/

Last night I went to the movies with her and her family though, and it was fun. We saw Imagine That, which I do recommend you guys see, it was really good.

"I'm gonna go to sleep, let this wash all over me."

I haven't slept much these past two nights. Friday I got about 2 hours of sleep, and about 4 for last night. Friday I was just so worried for my friend, and just thinking about a lot of stuff. Then last night I was talking to my one friend online, and I was suppose to talk to this one guy, but that didn't work out. So I ended up going to bed at around 3:30, and woke up 7. Yeah, I'm exhausted now.

"And I knew it from the start, so my arms are open wide, your head is on my stomach. And we're, we're trying so hard not to fall asleep."

I don't have anything going on next week, maybe I'll finally go shopping or something. Summer has been pretty good so far, just my sleeping schedule is pretty screwed up now. :P

"I'm still carrying a little hope that maybe things could be different now. Is that so wrong?"


Monday, June 8, 2009


Eh, I have absolutely nothing to post about. Summer so far has been pretty boring, haven't done much except for hanging out all day with my friends on Friday and going to my friend's house yesterday.

I'm probably going to Six Flags on Friday, and hopefully going shopping with my friend on Tuesday and some other time next week. I'm pretty excited, I'm in desperate need of some new clothes.

quiz: [again]
What's Your Gift?
You are constantly dreaming. You are always thinking about what could be.You love to express yourself in many ways. You have a way with words and tell vivid stories.
You love to be amused. You are good entertaining yourself, and other people find you hilarious.You're the type of person who finds staying happy easy. There's always fun to be had!

^The first part is true. The second, not so much.

Woah this is really short. I have nothing left to say, so I think I'll go practice now.


Saturday, June 6, 2009

Time Is Running Out

"I can’t take the pressure, no one cares if you live or die. They just want me gone, they want me gone."

Summer vacation officially starts today. This summer should be a lot more fun than last year's, now that I actually have a friend my parents don't hate.

Last night I was thinking. A lot. The guy I like, who I thought liked me just a bit, well, I don't think he likes me anymore. Not in that way. He's just, changed. I did like everything about him, he was just amazing. I think he still cares about me, just like he made me believe. Just not like I want him to. But I'm used to it by now, he's just another guy I can add to my list of all the guys I liked who never liked me back.

I started thinking about this after I came home from the movies with my friends. It was me and a friend, then my other friend and her boyfriend. Whom she tells me she loves, and whom I finally got to meet last night.They are pretty cute together, but when they were together, it made me realize how alone and empty I really am. Something that your friends can't really help you with. I do want a relationship with someone, really badly. I won't go off with some random guy, which is why I keep rejecting that one guy. I want something that I think would actually work out in the end, though a one week relationship wouldn't be too bad. Just to be with someone for a bit might make everything a bit better. I might not have to pretend to be happy anymore, I might actually, truly, be happy.

I hate waiting around, not knowing anything about him. I don't think he knows I like him, but I don't think I even want hm to. But I still think anyway that I should have spoken up when he told me that no one in the school likes him. I could never go out with him though, so there's really no point, right?

quizzes []
You've reached a point in your life where you need a lot of downtime.You need to rest, recuperate, and reevaluate. Give yourself this time.
It's possible that you've suffered some losses. Or maybe life just has you worn down.Take time to relax. You will emerge a better person if you are able to find true quiet and stillness.

You are dramatic, expressive, and even a bit temperamental.You are artistic and creative. You're always dabbling in something.You are very self-aware and introspective. You understand yourself well.You are on a constant journey in life, and you change frequently. You're a shapeshifter of sorts.

You're the type of person who likes to do things your way. You're a little stubborn.You're very expressive and a true individual. You don't like to compromise.You are a very private person. You value your alone time.While you may seem self centered to some, you are actually very cooperative when you need to be.

"If you be my star, I'll be your sky. You can hide underneath me & come out at night, when I turn jet black, & you show off your light. I live to let you shine. But you can skyrocket away from me & never come back if you find another galaxy far from here with more room to fly. Just leave me your stardust to remember you by."

Oh, and I passed all my finals! I am technically a sophomore now! :)


Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Smells Like Teen Spirit

"I'm worse at what I do best, and for this gift I feel blessed. Our little group has always been and always will until the end."

This week has been pretty amazing so far. Tomorrow I have the French Listening final, then the Reading part on Thursday and the Orchestra "final" which was our last concert. Geometry and Biology finals are on Friday, and those should be pretty easy.

Oh, and what made the week so amazing? Auditions for varsity orchestra were on Monday, and...

i made varsity orchestra!!! :D

I'm so excited for next year, though none of my friends made it, and I was the only girl from non-varsity to make it. I really don't care though, I shouldn't hold back, and I worked soo hard on the music, I'm not gonna give up an opportunity like this.

We're having our culture day tomorrow for French. We were suppose to have it on Cinco De Mayo (Yeah, I know. :P), but because of the Swine Flu it got cancelled, and no one thought we were ever gonna have it. But fortunately we are after the final.

And, just a few minutes before I made this post, I logged on to Facebook and guess who decided to send me an instant message? My friend's ex-boyfriend. Yeah, he wanted to go see a movie, but not just as friends, as "bf and gf". I rejected him, I refuse to go out with him after how he treated her. He was so persistent though, it got so irritating. He also told me that "I was the only one he wanted". That's such bull, ugh I hate him. >:(

Only 2 and 1/2 days of school left! :)