Saturday, June 6, 2009

Time Is Running Out

"I can’t take the pressure, no one cares if you live or die. They just want me gone, they want me gone."

Summer vacation officially starts today. This summer should be a lot more fun than last year's, now that I actually have a friend my parents don't hate.

Last night I was thinking. A lot. The guy I like, who I thought liked me just a bit, well, I don't think he likes me anymore. Not in that way. He's just, changed. I did like everything about him, he was just amazing. I think he still cares about me, just like he made me believe. Just not like I want him to. But I'm used to it by now, he's just another guy I can add to my list of all the guys I liked who never liked me back.

I started thinking about this after I came home from the movies with my friends. It was me and a friend, then my other friend and her boyfriend. Whom she tells me she loves, and whom I finally got to meet last night.They are pretty cute together, but when they were together, it made me realize how alone and empty I really am. Something that your friends can't really help you with. I do want a relationship with someone, really badly. I won't go off with some random guy, which is why I keep rejecting that one guy. I want something that I think would actually work out in the end, though a one week relationship wouldn't be too bad. Just to be with someone for a bit might make everything a bit better. I might not have to pretend to be happy anymore, I might actually, truly, be happy.

I hate waiting around, not knowing anything about him. I don't think he knows I like him, but I don't think I even want hm to. But I still think anyway that I should have spoken up when he told me that no one in the school likes him. I could never go out with him though, so there's really no point, right?

quizzes []
You've reached a point in your life where you need a lot of downtime.You need to rest, recuperate, and reevaluate. Give yourself this time.
It's possible that you've suffered some losses. Or maybe life just has you worn down.Take time to relax. You will emerge a better person if you are able to find true quiet and stillness.

You are dramatic, expressive, and even a bit temperamental.You are artistic and creative. You're always dabbling in something.You are very self-aware and introspective. You understand yourself well.You are on a constant journey in life, and you change frequently. You're a shapeshifter of sorts.

You're the type of person who likes to do things your way. You're a little stubborn.You're very expressive and a true individual. You don't like to compromise.You are a very private person. You value your alone time.While you may seem self centered to some, you are actually very cooperative when you need to be.

"If you be my star, I'll be your sky. You can hide underneath me & come out at night, when I turn jet black, & you show off your light. I live to let you shine. But you can skyrocket away from me & never come back if you find another galaxy far from here with more room to fly. Just leave me your stardust to remember you by."

Oh, and I passed all my finals! I am technically a sophomore now! :)



Alyssa said...

vic, when i read this i realized the same thing, because last night i felt the same way, but there is one thing i want to tell you, having a relationship for a week doesnt work. you feel happy for a minute then you feel hurt, because you arent worth them. dont want that, want a long relationship with someone you can depend on.

Alyssa said...

lets say you take a chance, and you trust him, it will hurt, no matter how little amount of time you spend with him. trust me, now when i go into a movie theater thats what comes to mind, just mocking me of my past.

n a t a l i e said...

It is sad when you have to sit there and see other couples look so happy together, but I just tell myself that they're not going to last anyway. Unless they get married, they're going to have a break up someday. I guess that's kind of a bad way to look at things, but whatever :P As much as I'd like a relationship, there are literally no guys around here that I could ever see myself with, besides one. But he's too busy with crew anyway, plus I haven't talked to him in a year, so whatever. 've given up :p

But yay for summer vacation! I hope that yours is a blast! And I'm technically a sophomore now too :)

grace. said...

unrequited love really sucks dosnt it. I actually hate it. It is like an almost physical pain, but trust me, you will meet someone worth the wait. dont go for the one week relationship though, sure, it might be good while it lasts, but when it does end, you will be left feeling worse than when you started. its not good. :(

congratulations on passing all your finals by the way!

oh, and you are soooo lucky to have broken up for the summer, i have 6 weeks to go! and i can juust tell that all the good weather we have now will be gone by the summer, and all our nice days will have been wasted while we are stuck in school. gah.

seriously though, dont worry, sure being in a couple can look good, but it really has it flaws, just enjoy the summer with your friends, they are memories that will last, with a guy when you break up and look back, you cant help but feel sad, or regretfull, but with your friends, the memories will always be fab :)

Grace X