Friday, December 31, 2010

show me, don't tell me

A lot has happened the past few days.

Wednesday I hung out with one of my friends I haven't hung out with in awhile. He picked me up at my house, then we ate lunch. We went back to my house to watch the DVD I got at the orchestra party, "Lady Gaga; One Sequin At a Time". After he left I got a call from one of my friends who wanted to hang out with me and one of our other friends. Once she picked us up we decided to kidnap our Canadian friend and hung out at a park for most of the night and drove around listening to rap music like the gangsters we truly are.

Then Thursday, yesterday, the same three friends and I had our "Last Adventure" of 2010. We went to Chik Fil A, a park and WalMart late at night, laid in the back of her truck listening to music, drove around blasting inappropriate rap music, and explored a few forests. I also butt dialed the guy from the day before. I think I left him a message of us singing along to rap music, but I'm not entirely sure. While we were at the park there were quite a few guys hanging around the pond who seemed to be doing drugs. And WalMart at night is the total opposite as during the day. The few people shopping around seemed miserable, as did the people working there. When we were there we went down the toy section and read some childrens books. There were a lot of sexual innuendos in them.

Also, while we were sitting in a parking lot listening to music, we saw some druggies getting into their cars and driving away quickly. Not soon after a cop pulled up to us. Here's a quick story that goes along with this; when the same two friends and I (I was with two girls and a guy last night, so in this story the two girls) went to Chik Fil A after the last orchestra concert, we stayed outside for a while and sang "Just the Way You Are" with our black orchestra dresses on. A cop came that night to get some food and heard us singing. So when we went in he was all flirty. Like when the cashier sent our food to our table we thanked him, and the cop said "It's his pleasure ;)", it was hilarious. Well, the cop that came to our car was the same from that night. My friend had red eyes from her allergies, there was a pill bottle in the front of the car for pain relief (because she was sore from running around so much that day), and my friend is only 16 and can only have one other person in the car (there were two more than she legally can). He looked like he recognized us, and only told us that curfew was almost up (we thought it was 12; apparently it's 11. And he wasn't sure himself when it was and called to find out for us). It was a great way to end the year.

So the guy I hung out with Wednesday? His best friend added me on facebook last night. I have never talked to him before, so he must have talked about me, but I have no idea why he would add me. Any ideas?

So, this is my last post of 2010. I hope the entire 2011 goes the same as 2010 ended.

Monday, December 27, 2010

half the world away

2010 is almost at its end; New Years is in 4 days. Which means New Years resolutions I will attempt to accomplish.

Eat less, exercise more, get to and stay at 100 lbs or less.
In a healthy way. I just want to feel better about myself.
Increase self esteem.
This goes with #1. I need to stop putting myself down so much. I guess I'm honestly not that bad of a person.
Listen to much more music.
I haven't listened to any new music in awhile. I love the feeling of discovering a great new band. Even though I don't have anyone to share this feeling with, since none of my friends like the same music I do.
Stop being so sad and depressing most of the time.
Read a lot more.
I only read at school when I have time, and I never read at home. I'd like to change this. And finish the Harry Potter series asap.
Draw more.
I drew a self portrait today. I don't think it really looks much like me though.
Practice violin and guitar more often.
I will make region orchestra senior year.
Which leads me to the next point;
Get out of the house more.
I need to hang out with friends more instead of being a lazy bum, especially during the summer. Next year, I'm going to be a senior. I have to start looking at colleges soon. I still remember my first day of freshman year. Now, nearly three years later, I'll be at my last year of high school. Things have changed so much. But the point is, there isn't much time left until we all will head our separate ways.

And finally, some words of wisdom...
"Live every day like you're Glen Coco."

Happy New Year, I hope everyone's 2011 is the best year yet. :)

Friday, December 24, 2010

walking in the air

"We're walking in the air, we're floating in the moonlit sky. The people far below are sleeping as we fly."

Christmas is tomorrow! :D It doesn't feel like Christmas Eve though, it feels like just another day. Probably because I haven't watched any old Christmas movies, like The Year Without A Santa Clause, or Jack Frost. BUT it's dark and gloomy and raining outside, and it hasn't rained in 50 days here. I call that a Christmas miracle. And it makes it feel a bit more like winter. On Tuesday the high was 84. 84°. In Debember, 4 days before Christmas. Then the next day it was 40. Yeah, I hate the weather here.

I had trouble sleeping last night, so I drew while listening to this song on repeat;

"Far across the world, the villages go by like trees, the rivers and the hills, the forests and the streams. Children gaze open mouth, taken by surprise. Nobody down below believes their eyes."

I went Christmas shopping with one of my friends Wednesday, even though I had already finished all of my shopping. We went to Hobby Lobby so she could buy a whole bunch of boxes and crafts and whatnot to make some presents. So after we sat in the back of her truck in the park and painted. It was so cold out, and a whole bunch of people looked at us as though we were nuts. It was fun. :)

I spent most of today playing wii games. I guess I was playing one too long, a pop up came on screen and said "Would you like to pause the game? You can always resume later." And the background was of a room with a window showing a bright, sunny day outside. Are you trying to tell me something?

"We're surfing in the air, we're swimming in the frozen sky. We're drifting over icy mountains floating by. Suddenly swooping low on an ocean deep, arousing of a mighty monster from its sleep."

So, Merry Christmas everyone! :)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

what do you think I have down there, a gnome?

The break has been really nice. So far I've gone christmas shopping for both my parents, started to wrap them, finished a short essay for physics, and did a cool drawing of some characters from some of the old nickelodeon shows. Maybe I'll watch some Hey Arnold and Doug on YouTube later. I still have to make an air cannon for physics too, but that'll be very easy to build.

It's hard to believe that Christmas is only 4 days away. 2010 is nearly over. I really hope 2011 goes much better. 2010 started out really, really well with the text I got on New Years Eve. I thought it would work out with him, but I was surely wrong. My phone probably won't get much action during the break.

Oh, and physics guy? I said hi and smiled, and he looked back at me like I was the most hideous thing he's even seen. Oh well, cats seem to like me anyway, so it's cool.

Also, she is my new favorite YouTuber. She's absolutely amazing.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

all I want to be is someone who creates truly meaningful things.

Just some pitiful boy stories for today.

No, I didn't talk to physics class guy today. But. When my friend and I walked to stand by the door before the bell rang, he and his friend got up and stood an equal distance away from the door about the same time we did. When we moved closer, they did as well. When the bell rang his friend left, and my friend walked in front of me while he was behind me. I looked back, smiled. He looked back at me in a pretty adorable way. Now lets see if I can actually get the balls to talk to him tomorrow. :3
This is so pathetic, haha.

Now, something I wrote last night that I felt I needed to post;
[I wanted to talk to you tonight about some of the things I'll mentioned here. But we weren't online at the same time, and it just didn't work out the way I wanted it to with my computer not working. But I just needed to talk to someone about it. And I don't think you read this anymore anyway, so it should be a safe place to let out my emotions. At least I really hope you stopped reading my blog.
I lied about not trusting you. I wanted to tell you this because I felt really bad about saying it. I probably trust you more than most of my friends. Which is stupid, because I don't even know you in real life. I'm just afraid to get close to you. I'm afraid that before we meet, if we ever do meet up, which I hope we do, you'll find an amazing girl. Someone who's prettier, and smarter, and funnier, and just all around better than I am. And that you'll still want to meet, but we couldn't do anything because of her. Or that when we meet, you'll realize that I'm not as great as you might possibly think I am, and you won't want me anymore. Or, that you forget about me and we never meet.
And one of the reasons I don't fully believe you on how I'm your, you know, is because I'm not that pretty, and no guy here seems to want me, so I just don't think that I am. I don't understand how you could even like me to be honest, I think you're crazy. It's not that I don't believe it because I don't trust you; it's because I just can't seem to see what you claim to.
It's hard for me to ever know for sure until the day we meet. So I guess for now I should trust you, because I don't want to hurt you, and you haven't given me reason not to.

Only 2 1/2 days of school left!
"Dear 6,
Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn’t
be talking. I hear you guys do some pretty nasty things.
Sincerely, 7"

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Well expect me to be calling you to see if you're okay when I'm not around, asking if you love me; I love the way you make it sound.

Yesterday I sold pecans outside of Hobby Lobby for an orchestra fundraiser. Even though it was around 60° outside, the wind chill made it feel like -263859704°. My lesson teacher also set up for a few kids she teaches to play Christmas carols at a retirement home, so I did that as well.

Today I went on a hunt for an ugly Christmas sweater with one of my friends for "Ugly Christmas Sweater Day" tomorrow at school. We succeeded in finding some ugly sweaters, unfortunately we couldn't find any Christmas ones. Tomorrow should be fun.

My parents left awhile ago to go to a football game with one of my dad's customers and his girlfriend. Unfortunately I'm not going to throw the coolest party of the year while they're gone. I'll do something even better; play video games, go on Tumblr, blast some music and sing loudly even though I have a sore throat and it will sound absolutely horrible, and watch a Christmas movie if a good one is on tv. I probably won't be able to sleep tonight, so it seems like a good night for me to call him and talk, since now he ignores me in orchestra to talk to his other friends.

The orchestra concert is Thursday. I'm excited. I'm also a loser for not talking to that guy in my physics class. But now he seems uninterested. I don't blame him.

"It’s like my heart can’t be tamed, and I fall in love every day. I feel like a fool. I have to face the truth, that no one could ever look at me like you do. Like I’m something worth holding onto. There’s times I think of leaving, but it’s something I’ll never do.
Because you can do better than me.
But I can’t do better than you."

Sunday, December 5, 2010

I never felt this lost before, and the world is closing doors.

I had a pretty busy week/weekend. At least it seemed very busy to me.

On Thursday one of my friends picked me up to go to her house to bake cookies with another friend. The other friend wasn't answering her phone, so we left her a message that sounded like my friend was having a baby in the car, haha. We went to her house to go pick her up [kidnap her, actually] when she got home from shopping. I also butt dialed one of my friends by accident that night and he heard our conversation of the "uno and triplet disorder" and how both of my friends have gone far with guys, possibly a few other things as well. Quite the night.

Friday I went to IHOP with one of my friends from the night before and another friend. At IHOP one of the waiters did a card trick for us. He was so cute. :3 We went back to her house afterward and watched the 1st Harry Potter movie and baked brownies. We also listen to a lot of crappy rap music, which is always fun to shout with your friends. :)

On Saturday I watched the second and third movie on TV since there happened to be a marathon of the Harry Potter movies on ABC family. I also finished an art project that I've been working on for the past few weeks. It's worth 50% of the next test grade and due tomorrow.

And finally today; Went to Barnes & Noble to get the third Harry Potter book, got a new pair of shoes and some socks, practiced violin for 40 minutes, and now I must study for the physics test I have tomorrow.

Other events that happened during the week; Found out the guy who stalks one of my friends likes me and wants to "make a move" soon; I decided to give up on a friend who has been obnoxious an hurtful to me for awhile; and I caught a guy in my physics class looking at me a few times. I will talk to said guy next week. :3

This has been quite the week.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

"Guess I'll have to be satisfied with cats and old records."

"So, dumb guys go for dumb girls, and smart guys go for dumb girls? What do the smart girls get?" "Cats mostly."

November is over, and December has almost begun. 25 days until Christmas, and it's almost 2011. Time is going by way too fast. Next year will be my senior year, and then I'll be off to college. Then I'll get a job, a house, and be forever alone with my 27 cats. That's the plan, anyway. Or maybe I'll find a nice guy? Wait, is this now a possibility?? This leads me onto the rest of this post;

Ah yes, more boy stories to be told. Saved the best for last. :3

1. Well, recently I've been wearing a bit more makeup than I usually have. This boy that I knew since freshman year is in my US History class. We haven't really talked much in the 13 weeks we've been in that class together. I think he's slightly afraid of me because I was quite the violent one freshman year. But today he asked to be in my group, and he wanted to talk to me while walking to 3rd period. Weird, much? Yes. He kept glancing at me, his behaviour was strange. But my friends have been telling me how I look so much prettier with eye liner on, and how I look more confident and approachable, and "hot". Obviously this is true.

2. Guy in orchestra smiled and almost walked up to talk to me today in the hall before orchestra started, but saw my friend was talking to me and [smoothly, in a totally not obvious way] turned around and looked embarrassed. Hah.

3. Same guy as #2; this will be kind of difficult to explain.
We had sectionals in orchestra today. Violins had to stay and play, but violas, cellos, and basses could study, hang out, or go decorate a Christmas ornament. (We have a Christmas tree in the orchestra room) He stayed in his seat while I was playing, and when she said the seconds could go do whatever, I went to decorate an ornament. He got up and did one too, and sat next to me, but at a distance, not like right next to me. But close enough where it was obvious. He didn't even say anything, I don't even remember if he said "hi" and I don't remember if I did either. Just sat there. He was doing nothing in his seat, but when I chose to decorate an ornament, so did he. I found it strange.

I swear, this makeup is like magic. Maybe I won't be needing this amazing sweater after all;

Also, tomorrow is National Be A Creeper Day. "The one day of the year when it's completely acceptable to be yourself." I'll be sure to join in the fun.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

"But I don't wanna be a barbarian!" "You did when you were ten!" "Yes, but I thought it meant a librarian that also cuts hair."

Last night before I went to bed, I thought of an awesome, kick ass idea for a blog post. I was thinking how it would be completely awesome, and how I wouldn't need to write it down because I could easily remember it for the next day. Well, I was wrong. It was something about relationships, but it was going to be deep. I talked to one of my friends last night about how she thinks I'm going to meet some dark haired, blue-eyed boy at a coffee shop or library, and he was going to fall for me. But the point is that it was late at night and I really need to start writing stuff down.

I was on Tumblr this morning, and I came across a gif from the old Disney show Dave the Barbarian. I have have spent the past hour on YouTube, watching some of the old episodes. I really miss the old shows on that were on Disney and Nickelodeon. Now it's all crap. At least Spongebob is still on. I think the show I miss most is Hey Arnold. I'll probably look up some of those tomorrow.

Tomorrow's Thanksgiving, which means November is almost over. It doesn't seem too long ago that I posted about September ending. Time is flying by so fast.

So you know how in the movie Easy A, she jams to Pocket Full of Sunshine by Natasha Bedingfield the entire weekend? [If you want to watch it click here] That's how I've been the past two days with crappy rap songs. And the bed intruder song, haha.
"You don't have to come and confess, we're lookin for you. We gon find you, we gon find you. So you can run and tell that, run and tell that, run and tell that, homeboy, home, home, homeboy."

Anyways... so much for that really awesome, epic post. :P

Sunday, November 21, 2010

I've come to realize we all have our place. Time has a way you know, to make it clear. I have my role in this, I can't disappear or leave you here.

I haven't done much since my last post, or at least that I can remember. I have next week off from school, so obviously I won't be blogging much since I'll probably only be reading Harry Potter and playing Mario Kart, haha. And yes, I started reading the series yesterday.

I also went shopping today. I found an awesome bag, and some really nice winter clothes, including two very comfy sweaters. :3

Also, I've created a flickr. And, because I have nothing else to blog about, my 365 project. It's been going pretty well so far. Today was the perfect day for taking pictures, the sky was gorgeous. :)

That's really all I have to say for now. Hope everyone has a great week!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

falling in love at a coffee shop.

Last night was a lot of fun. I went to the school play with some of my friends, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court. It was surprisingly funny, and before they started they played the Knight's of the Round Table song from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

After we went to Starbucks since it was still early out and looked at books and ordered coffee and whatnot.

All I've been doing today is working on a research paper for art. Tomorrow I plan on finishing my self portrait we've been doing. Unless someone calls me to and wants to hang out.

Also, I've decided I'm going to do the 365 Project again. Or at least attempt to do it again. Here's the link to it.

I hope everyone is having a more fun, eventful weekend than I am. :)

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Owl Who?
Owl always love you. :3

Thursday, November 11, 2010

everything's magic.

The past two days have been interesting. Yesterday during orchestra, instead of playing, we went outside since it was such a beautiful day and helped at the greenhouse to sell plants to any teachers that wanted them. We had lunch outside, and I finally listened to Crowded House on my iPod.

Today we were on pep rally schedule, so each class was shorter, and instead of going to the pep rally I went to the orchestra room. My friend and I talked to one of my friend's (the guy I used to really like) little brother. He looks exactly like his older brother, and they have the exact same mannerisms, it's really weird. But weird in a good way. At least to me and my friend it is. We also watched a show in world history that was on the travel channel, but I don't remember what it was called. So I didn't do much in school today, and it felt like Friday.

This guy [friday night racing game guy in that post] keeps looking at me, and whenever I walk up to our group of friends between 1st and 2nd period, he looks at me and makes sure to tell me I'm short, but in a joking way. It's like, he always has to make sure I know he's there. And the feeling I get when he looks at me is similar to that of the guy that used to like me. Like when you know someone is looking at you likes you? That feeling. I've felt it so many times before with him. Like in that post I linked to up there. Really, who knows though.

The kid in my art class, this one. Well, his name is Alejandro. Because I'm the weird person that I am, I feel an even bigger need to become friends with him.
"You know that I love you boy, hot like Mexico Rejoice. At this point I've gotta choose, nothing to lose."

Also, I've decided that I possibly want to be a photojournalist, and I really want to give the 365 Day Project another go.

Monday, November 8, 2010

"I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion, then it will start a chain reaction of the same."

There was an assembly today at school about Rachel's Challenge. You can read the wikipedia page by clicking the link. This is just a short post saying I accept the challenge, and encourage you all to do the same. Small acts of kindness can easily brighten someone's day.

Also, this is one of my new favorite songs.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

"there's no such thing as love. it's a fantasy."

I'm writing this in the fort I made in my room today. :3

Yesterday during physics we had a substitute teacher. And instead of making us do our homework, he let us play hangman as long as it was physics-related. It was the first few rounds at least.
[Caution: Boy story;]
There's this guy in my physics class, and I always catch him looking at me. He either finds me hideously ugly, or possibly somewhat attractive. But he's someone I could definitely see myself being with. The last guy, not so much. Well, not at all.

I drew some cats the other day. I was in one of those moods where I felt like I'm going to be a cat lady and forever alone;

I also went to my first art club meeting Thursday after school. I wanted to join back in middle school when I lived in Buffalo, but orchestra got in the way. So it felt weird being there at first. A lot of the people there were talking in french, so I kinda felt like I belonged in some weird way. I have two weeks to come up with a t-shirt design.

I don't have any plans to go anywhere this weekend. For the past few weekends I've been busy every day. So today I finally got the chance to tidy up my room and relax. But I did make a pretty awesome fort. I also learned how to play "Mr. Brightside" by the Killers on guitar. I think later I'll look up "Here In You Arms" by Hellogoodbye. I live such an interesting life.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

"Halloween? More like HalloWIN."

This weekend has been alright. Friday I saw Easy A with the guy that I've been texting a lot. When I got home I knew that I really didn't like him. He was just rude, obnoxious. This may seem mean, but I'd rather have 27 cats. I don't know why, but I was so upset I called the guy I used to like and talked to him. We hadn't talked in awhile, but he made me feel a lot better. Unfortunately that was the highlight of my night.

On Saturday I went to the Orchestra Halloween Party. My friend and I dressed up as salt and pepper shakers. Some of the other costumes there; Pikachu, Bob the Builder, Edward Cullen, a tourist, Mario, a hobbit, Eowyn from Lord of the Rings, and a Twilight fan girl. I love orchestra kids.

Today I played Pocket Frogs on my iPod and watched A Haunting on discovery channel for most of the day. I think I had homework to do. Oh well.

This is a really crappy post. So here's one of the cutest pictures ever to make up for it;

Sunday, October 24, 2010

It's good to be alive in such a small world, all curled up with a book to read.

[This was written last Sunday, and I never finished it. So this would have been part of last week's post:]
Sunday, 10.17.10;
This weekend has been incredibly busy. Saturday was all-region auditions, and today I stayed in my room doing homework and working on an art project all day. Which is turning out really nice [Which, by the way, I got a 100 on. :D ].
Friday night I went to see The Social Network with two of my friends. After, we sat in the back of one of their pickup trucks listening to a crappy radio station. It helped me to keep my mind off region for the night, which I feel helped me a bit.
Since I was sick last week, I still had a headache for the auditions. Add a lot of screeching, high, out of tune notes before I had to play made it much more difficult for me. I could not hear anything, and I felt tone deaf from the pounding in my head. All in all I think I did alright. I'll know tomorrow if I made it or not. [I did not, but I'm glad I didn't. That music was difficult, and I really don't feel like learning even more of it and putting on a concert.]

And, that's as far as I got. Now onto this weekend. I'm using names, because this will just be so confusing if I don't;
Friday was half day since we had midterms this week. My friends and I went to Chik fil a for lunch, but Lauren and I were the first to get there, and sat alone for like 20 minutes. We had already ordered by the time Alyssa and Mercedes (the ones in the pickup truck, from the movies last Friday night) got there. There were some girls from school that a few of my friends didn't want to get seen by (ah, crazy high school drama), so they went out to their car to go through the drive thru while Lauren and I went back out to her car. We decided to go meet at a park to eat lunch. Mercedes and Alyssa finally got there about 15 minutes later, and we sat in the back of her truck eating our lunch and listening to music. Then, about 30 minutes after that, Natalie and Holly showed up. We walked to the playground after that, and played hide and seek. Two of my friends were wearing white pants for twin day, Lauren and Holly, and it was going to rain soon, so they drove back to their houses to change. Before they got back, the remaining four of us, Mercedes, Alyssa, Natalie, and I, played a round of hide and seek and talked. One of them used to be my closest friend, but we're starting to drift apart with time. But we had a chance to have a quick chat while the other two talked. Mostly about colleges and her boyfriend (and my lack of one, haha), but I felt better that we got the chance to talk.
The other two came back, but not before kidnapping one of our other friends, Romer (that's not his real name, just what we call him). Natalie and I chased him around the playground when we saw him. Unfortunately we're short, and he's tall and in track. After we hung out, the seven of us headed over to Sonic. Mercedes, Alyssa, and I were talking about "inappropriate things" while Romer was walking over to our car. Which was the best. Conversation. Evar.
After Sonic Lauren drove me home, and I walked from my house to Alyssa's so me, her, and Merc could hang out. Merc texted the guy who likes me about balls from my cell, making him think it was me (soccer balls, but she of course made it sound like something else, haha), and we walked through the woods near Alyssa's house while it was raining.
Saturday I went to the plant sale and worked all day. But, it was the best plant sale thus far. It was pouring rain, so Lauren and I got to jump around looking like idiots playing in the rain. Lauren, Romer, Matt, and I sat in the back of Lauren's car for awhile, until it started lightning and the tornado sirens went off. We had to jump out and run to the other side of the school, outside, while there was lightning, thunder, and tornado sirens going off around us. One of the scariest moments of my life. We waited in the school for 20 minutes until it was over. When it was safe to go back outside we sat back in Lauren's truck, since no customers were going to show up for awhile. We drove back to Sonic, Lauren driving, and Matt, Romer, and I praying for our lives sitting on the floor in the very back (We had the seats down so we could all sit in a circle and talk). Lauren was hydroplaning most of the way there, and Matt was screaming how Lauren was a bad driver and reciting prayers. It was hilarious.
After the plant sale, Matt drove Romer home. But Lauren and I, being the creepers that we are, followed them to Romer's house. We played in the rain for a few minutes, then went back to Lauren's house after trying to find Matt's, because we knew what his car looked like and the general area of where he lived. After failing we went to Lauren's and were soaked, so Romer wore a pair of her sweatpants that looked like capris on him, and they were pink and orange. Oh, the things we do to him. :) We happened to be on facebook, on Matt's profile for some weird reason, and saw he had his address in his info. So we ran to Lauren's car, found his house, and had Romer go ding dong ditch his house. But as he was running we saw his dad walk past the window near the front so before he could ring the doorbell he ran back to the car and Lauren sped off. We found a station on the radio that played "rave music" (Lauren and I went back to it today, and it played Russian polka music. It was strange) and ate at Sonic. Again.
Today, I worked at the plant sale again with Lauren, Mercedes, and Matt, and other orch dorks. Not much to blog about besides Lauren, Merc and I going to Sonic again, and goofing around. After the three of us creeped again, Lauren came over to my house for dinner, left about two hours ago, and I've been typing this out since. She texted the guy that likes me from her phone, and asked him why he didn't confirm any plans with me. He said he was going to text me and make plans for next weekend. I'm surprisingly excited.

Such a good weekend to end the first nine weeks of school. I hope the week turns out great as "glorious".

"Here's the story of a girl who grew up lost and lonely. Thinking love was fairytale, and trouble was made only for me. Even in the darkness every color can be found, and every day of rain brings water flowing to things growing in the ground."

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

another night, another dream wasted on you.

Lots of boy stories to be told today. That's all this post will consist of;

1. I had a dream about orchestra room guy last night. Is it true that when you dream about someone it means that person went to bed thinking about you? I mean, I didn't go to school yesterday. Maybe he really was thinking about me, wondering where I was. I'm hoping he was, yet I'm not. I really need to move the f#@& on. If that's true though, then he must dream about me every night, haha.
2. I had to go into school early today to work on an art project. I got there and sat down in the seat opposite of my assigned one during class. This guy that I find kind of cute [I would so go out with him if asked haha :) ] came in to work on his too. Now, during class, he sits on the other side of the room, but facing me. This morning I was facing the other side of the classroom than usual, and he sat at a different table on the side that faced me. He was facing me. His normal seat was open. A ton of other seats that weren't facing me were also open. Crazy random happenstance? I think not. He has looked at me before and smiled, although only because he probably thinks I'm mental. But maybe he finds me somewhat attractive? Maybe. I hope so, 'cause that would be nice. We also talked. Kind of. We were in the art supply closet (get you mind out of the gutter) and he asked me where the plastic wrap was, even though it was right in the middle of the cart in plain sight. Maybe he was just oblivious, or maybe he wanted to talk to me. Hmm? Also, he knocked over some paint and I was like "Good job". And that was it. This is why I don't have a boyfriend, I'm just too damn awkward.
3. I saw the guy I was suppose to hang out with on Saturday today. And he actually looked kinda sorta just a tad bit cute. Just a little. Not that I was looking or anything. My friend and I were looking up our PSAT rooms and we was standing with a girl next to the paper. Just happened to be there. I said hi. He looked happy to see me. Eh.

"I still believe it's you and me 'til the end of time. When we collide we come together; if we don't we'll always be apart. I'll take a bruise, I know you're worth it. When you hit me, hit me hard."

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

You belong with me, not swallowed in the sea.

You know what's stupid? I've been sick for the past few days, and I took today off from school. I was hoping to be able to take tomorrow off as well, but I have to take the stupid PSAT tomorrow. And, I had to pay to take it, so I really can't miss it. Aaahhhh.

The first plant sale was Saturday, and it was fun. Not many people came, but the ones that did bought a lot of flats [One person bought about 20. It was insane]. It mostly consisted of me and my friend standing at the corner holding up signs, finding someone who would go with me that night to make it seem less date-like, and sitting on the ground hoping that someone would show up. That someone never did.

Region is Saturday. I haven't been practicing because I've been too weak, so I'm hoping I'll do alright. By now I don't really care, I've done all that I can.

I didn't go on that date-thing Saturday night. I think even if i wasn't sick I wouldn't have gone anyway. And I hadn't found anyone else to go anyway. I realized I don't like the boy. He's just too nice, and it gets on my nerves. I want someone special. And I'm sure he will be for someone else, he's just not my kind of guy.
Maybe it's also because he's not anything like him.

Wish me luck for Saturday. :3

Friday, October 8, 2010

if it still hurts, you still care.

The field trip was good. We went to a concert hall and listened to an orchestra, then headed over to the science museum to eat lunch and watch a movie about undersea creatures. [Under the Sea] It was in a dome, and it was pretty neat. Jim Carrey did the narration for it, but it didn't really sound like him. My friends and I creeped on some poor guy that's in the orchestra, and that's really all that was exciting. Don't get me wrong, it was a blast. But not really much to post about.

I have a date-type-thing Saturday night. With the guy that keeps on texting me. I'm still unsure about him. But I'll give him a chance. Luckily, I'm sick, so if he does try to make a move or something, I can be all like "Dude, no. I'm sick, I don't want to get you sick" instead of "Eew. No dude, just no." Because I don't know if I want to. I had a dream where we kissed though, a long time ago, sometime during the summer. But I still don't know [After trying to type up this post for nearly two hours, I feel even worse. I probably won't be able to go].

"People don't look at your personality first. People judge you automatically by your looks and then try to get to know your personality. But the second they don't like your looks, they don't get to know you. That's how reality is."

Wish me luck for tomorrow night. :3
[If I go, that is.]

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

I can't take my mind off you 'til I find somebody new

My last post was my 100th. :)

Something really good happened today.
After we sight read in orchestra, we had some free time. There's this room in the back of the orchestra room that has a computer in it. He was using that computer to type up an essay, and he was alone in there. I had a lot of homework, and everyone kept talking to me and asking questions, so I decided to man up, walk in there, and ask him if he would mind if I worked in there too. He said he didn't. I sat down. Now, let me just say that he liked me, I liked him. Then he just stopped liking me after 8 months. We never went out or anything. He told me after those eight months we just weren't compatible. I don't feel like that's the truth, but whatever. There's nothing I can do about it. But, I can't seem to get over him, so I've been ignoring him in the halls and trying not to text him to try to move on. Which has been an epic fail. But we sat together while we did homework, and talked for a little bit. He played some music on his iPod, and it was really, really nice. Easily one of my favorite parts of this year so far, even though it was for a short time and probably meant nothing to him. But it easily made my week.

[I realized something after typing this up; he has my tumblr url, which links to my blogger. I really hope he doesn't read this. If he does, oh well. But he doesn't go on tumblr anymore. Hopefully.]

Anyway, the orchestra concert went very well last night. I was surprised how good the concert and non varsity orchestras played. And it was just a very good night overall. Before the concert two of my friends and I blasted obnoxious rap music while driving to Kroger, read some birthday/anniversary etc. cards when we got there, and bought some peanut M&M's.

Tomorrow is the field trip for orchestra. Most likely I'll post again tomorrow to write about it. I'm sure something will happen there that's blog-worthy.

I realized what my one confession is for my 10 day challenge thing.
I think some part of me will always like him. Not the him I was just talking about with the orchestra room thing [Well, I don't think I'll ever get over him either, but that's another story altogether.] But the reason I don't really want to out with this one guy who apparently likes me, is because he's not cute. But there's more to that. When I get a boyfriend, I want him to get jealous from his hot-ness. Shallow, yes. But I can't help it. I don't want to go out with anyone, because he might go out with someone too even though he said he doesn't like anyone at his school. And I would get jealous, I know I would. And there would be nothing I could do about it. And if I were to go out with someone, and miss my chance with him, I would always wonder if we would work out or not. I always wonder if he were here or I were there, would he like me, and would we go out? I hope he would. I think if we met we could at least try it. I'm sure we would at least have sex. I'm sure if he still read my blog he would agree with that, haha.

"And so it is the shorter story. No love, no glory, no hero in her skies."

Last note; my friend gave me one of her silly band bracelets. It's suppose to be a rhino, but to me it looks like an obese unicorn.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Here's where we prove all your fairytales wrong.

I'm sitting outside in my backyard right now while typing this up. It's really nice out. This is why I love winter. Summer here gets too hot. But right now, I can sit outside with a sweatshirt on and blog from my iPod. I got this app that lets me put pictures on here, and it makes it much easier to make a post than on the safari app.

This weekend was good, and next week will be pretty busy as well. Monday I'll find out if I made district or not, Tuesday we have our first concert, and Thursday a field trip for orchestra. We're going to a concert hall to hear a professional orchestra, then to a science museum. Plus, we get to miss most of school for the day.

I'm really anxious to hear if I made it or not. I practiced a lot, but I was shaking while I was auditioning. Like I was afraid I was going to have a panic attack shaking. But, a lot of kids sounded like they hadn't touched the music at all. I'm still unsure though. D:

That's really it for now. Talk to you later, alligators.

Edit 8:55 PM; Someone posted the district results on facebook, and I made it!! :D

Thursday, September 30, 2010

You can skyrocket away from me & never come back if you find another galaxy

^My future home will have a fort where I can hide and read books and listen to music.

Day Ten: One confession.
Right now, I'm not sure what that would be. So give me some time to think of a really good one.

This week has been pretty good. Today felt like a Friday though, which means I'll wake up tomorrow morning thinking it's Saturday, only to come to the awful realization that I do in fact have school. Along with a physics test and the fitgram. Which is where you have to run (or walk...) a mile, test your flexibility, height, weight etc. Not very fun.

But, this weekend will be the first in awhile in which I'll actually be busy. Saturday is district auditions (I'm still freaking out, but I'm feeling a bit better about them) and Sunday one of my friends convinced me to go to a party for her church with her, which also includes me going to Bible study before. I haven't been to church since I was 5, and I'm not a very religious person, so this will be interesting. I'm also hoping, since there are a ton of kids that go to her church that maybe, you know. A cute boy or two will be there. And please, don't judge me. Because I know you all are thinking "Omgz why y u tryin to pick up boyz at church?!??1!" Well, because the majority of my friends seem to get their boyfriends from church camp. It's not my fault that things happen there. But I'm not going to look for it. I'm hoping I'll just stumble upon it on Sunday, or even eventually. Because I don't like cats enough to be a cat lady.

I'm still considering putting videos on my YouTube account. Covers of songs and such. The only problem is video quality isn't the best on my camera, and I'd have to put it on a stack of books or something since I don't have a tripod. I'll figure it out if I do decide to.

Happy last day of September everyone. Christmas is less than three months away.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

My love burns bright for you with the awkwardness of a thousand nerds.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
  1. :\
  2. :)

"Relationships are messy, and people's feelings get hurt."

The guy from my last post? Yeah, I think he likes me. I'm not sure what to do about it, except to pretend that I'm completely oblivious to his hints when he texts me. Now I'm positive that a relationship is the last thing I need right now. And the guy I used to like? Well, in summary he's a buttface. But what else is new.

This week has been alright. I bought a sketchbook the other day, and I'm hoping that I'll get time to start drawing in it. I love art class, but not the people in it. They irritate me. But, I can't wait to take drawing next year.

District auditions are next week, and I'm flipping out. I'm hoping I'll do okay.

A conversation I had earlier this week;
"Hey, come over here."
"Give me a hug."
"Because you're a creeper."
And then I walked away from him. I call almost every guy a creeper, but he actually is one. Jeez.

Now to end this post with a lame joke;

Two atoms are walking down the street together. The first atom turns and says, “Hey, you just stole an electron from me!”
“Are you sure?” asks the second atom.
To which the first atom replies, “Yeah, I’m positive!”

It made me laugh. :3

Sorry for the really sucky post. :P

Saturday, September 18, 2010

But tell me now, where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart?

Day Eight: Three turn ons.
  1. Having a talent/skill that is unique.
  2. Similar taste in music as me.
  3. Able to play an instrument.

The homecoming dance last week was alright. I felt lonely during it seeing all the couples, but it was alright. Later tonight I'm going to my friends house to watch Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog with a few other friends. I'm not entirely sure what it is, but they've been singing the songs from it nonstop the past week. So I'm having a bad feeling about it.

I also bought "Sigh No More" by Mumford & Sons today at Best Buy after looking at the new iPod nano (it's so freaking small, holy crap). It's pretty good. I was going to buy it the last time I was there, but decided against it because I wasn't entirely too sure. But I'm glad I did.

[Unfortunately, the rest of this post will consist of boys. Proceed with caution.]

There's this boy. And he's nice. I'm happy when I get a text from him or see him in the halls. He's kind of creepy. But I'm terrified of almost anyone touching me, so I don't think he might be all too creepy. And I'm afraid to give him a chance. Because I feel if you're going to go out with someone, you should be physically attracted to them as well. He's not ugly, but, I don't know. Which is shallow, yes, I'll admit that. But isn't it also true? I mean, personality is the #1 thing you should look for in a person, it is. You can't form a meaningful relationship without communication, great conversations. And I know he would be an awesome friend. I'm not sure about a boyfriend though. My friend told me if he asks me out, I should give him a chance. Which I should, but I don't want to lead him on. But yet I am. But I know I shouldn't. Maybe my standards are too high. Maybe I'm just a female dog. Or, maybe I'm just waiting. Maybe I'm just too afraid to go out with him because I just want to wait for someone else. But at the same time, I don't. I don't want to feel alone. But I am. And this makes absolutely no sense.

And on a separate note, what the hell does "Where's Fluffy? ;) " mean?!?

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Don't Give Up

Day Seven: Four turn offs.
  1. Being a creeper.
  2. Not able to play an instrument.
  3. Being obnoxious and loud.
  4. Not liking Radiohead. ;P

Last night I went to the movies with two of my friends and saw Vampires Suck. And it did, indeed, suck. Some parts were funny though, but it was mostly stupid. The Edward character was much hotter than Robert Pattinson though. And the girl who played Becca perfectly portrayed Bella's mannerisms from the real Twilight movie. So yeah, it was alright.

Tonight's the homecoming dance. An hour ago I got back from hobby lobby with one of my friends to pick out fabric and ribbon so she can redesign one of her old dresses. It's suppose to rain tonight. And I don't have a date, but neither do the two friends I went to the movies with last night. I hope everything works out and I don't come home feeling like shit.

Now I'm going to go play Mario Kart Wii, and possibly practice for district/region later. ♥

"Don't make a move, you'll look ridiculous again. You share no interest but it's easy to pretend. Don't start the action it will turn against you soon; no one is going to follow and you'll stand there like a fool."

Monday, September 6, 2010

I feel like I've been issued a challenge.

^The new nano looks pretty cool. It's pointless to have unless you only listen to music (which is what an iPod used to be only used for), but still, it looks pretty cool.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever) [I'm just going to use the first letter of their first name, because if anyone I know does find my blog it would be weird and I could just make up some crap];
1. L
2. K
3. M
4. A
5. T

Last night I went to my friends house, and we had a "Beatles Rock Band Party of Beatles Rock Band Awesomeness". Where we, I'm sure you can guess, played Beatles Rock Band for four hours straight, along with eating queso, brownies, and Dr. Pepper. And it was in fact, pure awesomeness. But seriously, it was a lot of fun.

So on my day off from school I continued watching the dubbed version of the animated Lord of the Rings, practiced for district/region, and cleaned my room. 'Twas a good day. Though I still have to watch the Radiohead concert I downloaded the other night.

And to end this post, I give you; Llamas with Hats...3 :D

Friday, September 3, 2010

The road to rejection is better than no road at all.

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
  1. Not hugging him back at the plant sale freshman year.
  2. Giving his number to that girl.
  3. Letting my friend talk me into texting this one guy. Because now he thinks I'm a creeper.
  4. Letting myself like him as much as I did.
  5. Letting his talking about his exgirlfriend effect me as much as it did.
  6. Telling my friend how I truly felt at the moment. I was just sad.

Today was, by far, the best day of school. Art was easy, and I didn't feel like hitting the guy next to me for singing obnoxiously and talking to himself, or the creepy freshman across from me that always looks at me. I'll look at him, and he'll either look down quickly or smile. It's like seriously dude, seriously?
I'm positive that I got a 100 on a map quiz in history, and then we watched a video for the rest of the period. And history is one of my favorite classes because it's the only one with a cute boy in it, haha. :)
In orchestra we had to do a 3 octave A minor melodic minor scale/broken thirds for a quiz grade. Which I nailed, even though I was shaking from nervous-ness of playing in front of my section. Plus it's really cold in the orchestra room.
In Physics we did a lab where we had to figure out where to put a cup in front of a desk to get a marble that went down a ramp in it using only equations (Very confusing to explain). We only got one try, and whether we got it in or not basically decided if we would pass or fail. My partner and I were nervous, as we were the first to finish. And some guy came up to us while we were doing it and said "Are you sure that's right? Wanna make sure it'll work? Having any second doubts?" But we got it in. His group didn't. Haha.

I think I'm going to find out more info about this boy from my friend. I want to talk to him, but every time I want to, I tell myself he probably couldn't like me, that I'm not pretty enough, etc. and that it'll just be a waste of my time. Because every time, every time, I'm always rejected. Always.
But hey, if it doesn't work out at least I'll have the annoying guy and creepy freshman. :/

Now I must go watch the animated Lord of the Rings on YouTube, then after watch the dubbed version. So... uhm, bye.
That was an awkward ending.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

"Oh yes, I was so happy that in the emoticon world I would be colon capital d."

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
  1. How much longer until summer 2011?
  2. I'm hungry/tired/thirsty.
  3. Boys are buttfaces.
  4. Why do you have to live so far away?
  5. I hope he's not using me.
  6. I want to drivee.
  7. Various thoughts involving orchestra.

The first week of school went better than I thought it would. I have no idea if I said that in my last post. I might have. And the past two days have gone okay. I had four hours of homework yesterday, and this morning started out badly from waking up late, getting to school late, and freaking out trying to remember everything I could about the Columbian Exchange. But I aced my quiz yesterday in history, and I'm sure I got another great grade on my test today. Now watch me fail it since I said it was easy. :P And art has been going well. I've always loved art classes, and it's been fun so far.

District/Region is going to be so difficult this year. I'm trying out for the symphony orchestra, and holy crap, this music is difficult;

For the first time in awhile I'm excited for my lesson tomorrow so I can start figuring out this nonsense.

One of my friends told me that this had happened to her yesterday, and I wanted to share it with everyone;
She was in Spanish class, and sitting next to this guy. He was good looking. Not "hot" but not "ugly". Anywho, he had asked if she had a boyfriend. Not what her name is, not what her hobbies are, nothing. Just "Do you have a boyfriend?" She does, so of course she said she did, because she's not one to cheat. And he was just like "Oh, alright." Ten minutes later, he asks, "Would you ever cheat on your boyfriend?" Again she was shocked and confused, and she said no. Again he was like, "Oh, alright." When the bell rang they left, him close behind her. He put his arm around her, she shrugged him off. He puller her closer, and he kissed her. She pushed him away, went back to the class, and asked for a seat change.

I just want to know what is going through that boy's mind. I mean, seriously. No means no. He confronted her today, and he was still a loser about that. I'm done with all boys at my school. I can't wait to go off to college. Maybe they'll be less suck-ish.

In other news, there's a really cute boy in my history class. Very cute. That's kind of contradictory what I just said. But that is all.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

"I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. You, are a twat."

"I believe that everything you said to me meant something at the time, but now it means nothing. I knew this would happen, but it still kind of hurts. I don’t believe you were out to hurt me, I just think things change, feelings change. It was good while it lasted. If you’re happy then I’m happy."

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart;
  1. Play an instrument/sing to me at random times.
  2. Letting me gossip to him and just smile and agree with everything I say.
  3. Kiss me in the pouring rain.
  4. Listen to crappy rap songs with me.
  5. Being more goofy than romantic, but knowing the right things to say at the right times.
  6. Liking to stay home, making dinner, and watching movies.
  7. Making me laugh when no one else can.
  8. Basically just being my best friend.

Does anyone else see the irony in this?

It's a diet coke, that's bacon flavored. My art teacher wanted to see who would remember to go to her website this weekend, and she told us yesterday there would be a link that if we went to it we could get some extra points by saying what it was on Monday, and we would know what it was when we saw it. And that was it. I found it hilarious.

I didn't find a dress last night with my friends, so I'm going to go back out today. If I don't find one I might not go, because I don't really want to go in the first place, and not having one gives me an excuse. But one of my friends is bringing her boyfriend who I haven't liked for various reasons, one of them is unfair to him. So maybe I'll be able to give a second chance. Maybe.

But last night was a lot of fun. I haven't hung out with them in months, and it was good to be able to talk to them for a few hours. I also saw one of my old friends from french class two years ago and her boyfriend at the mall. That was a surprise. I almost attacked her when she gave me a hug because I had no idea who was behind me.

I also realized how "behind" I guess you could say, I am with guys. All of my friends have done a lot of "stuff" [trying to keep my blog PG-13], and I haven't even had my first kiss yet. I told them how I want to just get it over with, and they said that I should wait for someone special. Which is bullcrap. Everyone I've talked to regrets their first kiss and wants to change it. Everyone. So I see nothing special about it, it doesn't really matter. Just something else that makes me feel crappy about myself.

[The video from where the title came from? Click here. I would turn your speakers down for the beginning part though if I were you.]

To end this on a positive note, it's almost fall. Which means winter is almost here. Yess.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

What if you could go back in time, and take all those hours of pain and darkness and replace them with something better?

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
  1. It's very, very difficult for me to remember stuff. I have an awful memory. I can't remember a lot of facts, or quote movies even if I've seen them a thousand times. Sometimes it's hard for me to recall song lyrics even for my favorite songs.
  2. I'm only 5'1", and I most likely won't grow anymore, which I hate. [see #6]
  3. I play guitar and violin; My favorite class is orchestra.
  4. No matter how hot it is in my room, I can't sleep with my door open, and I have to have a blanket on. Because you know, if there's a monster in your room, it can't get you if you have a blanket. :P
  5. Radiohead is my favorite band.
  6. I freak out when people touch me. Like it's an irrational fear. I bit my friend once on her arm when she tried to give me a hug. And I'm small, so most of my friends love to pick me up every chance they get.
  7. I don't want to fall in love. I'd much rather be on my own. But, if I were to find someone I love and who loves me back, I wouldn't be afraid to be in a committed relationship.
  8. I can't see out of my right eye.
  9. I'm very indecisive.

I really want to go on a road trip. With no predetermined destination. To leave this place and just drive somewhere with someone I care about would be so nice. And not worrying about homework, jobs, people we've left behind, anything. Just driving away from everything. I would love that. And I think I know exactly who this person is that I want to do it with.
[I need to figure this s%#t out. And soon.]
Yesterday afternoon my friend drove me and one of our other friends home, stopping at Sonic first. It was fun; we acted like the obnoxious teenagers we are, blasting inappropriate music (with the windows up, haha), making fun of the people we know at school, and discussing how boys are all buttheads. Then after we had to meet back up at school for the beginning of year orchestra meeting, where my friend and I texted the guy she likes off of my phone. [I had his number from the trip last year. He thinks I'm a creeper now. :/]
This year we're going to Corpus Christi for our orchestra trip. It's still so far away, but I'm excited.
Tomorrow night I'll most likely go dress shopping with two of my friends. Which I'm unsure if I really want to go, but no one's bringing a date so I won't feel left out like last year. Homecomeing is only two? weeks away. So this is the last weekend we'll be able to go shopping.
Uhm, yeah. This is a pretty awesome guitar;

Monday, August 23, 2010

"You're weird." "Sorry." "No, that was a compliment."

I promise, that one day, everything's going to be better for you.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
  1. I miss you.
  2. I wish we talked more often/I wish you were here.
  3. I wish you cared.
  4. I hate strongly dislike you.
  5. I wasted so much time on you, and you don't even know.
  6. I can't believe you still spend more time with your boyfriend than with me and all your other friends. We miss you.
  7. I wish I had gotten my first kiss over with with you; but a small part of me says that it was good I didn't. Even though I knew it would mean absolutely nothing.
  8. Stop creeping on my friend. She doesn't like you, just leave her the f%#& alone.
  9. Do you like me? Cause I think I like you (about to text my friend about this one in a few minutes to see if she agrees with my theory, maybe before I finish this post. So I will elaborate this at the bottom*)
  10. You, are such a creeper.

I would love a MacBook ^. Or any new laptop. My laptop is burning my leg right now.

My first day of school went better than I thought it would. My teachers are amazing, and I have friends in all of my classes except art. They're mostly immature freshmen girls who gossip about who's with who, and who did what. Which is okay with me, because I want to relax in art [I can easily ignore them]. And, because it's first period, I can do just that. Hang out with my friends before school, start the day with art class, and the rest of the day will be so easy. The first half of the year will be awesome.

*This is the conversation my friend and I just had.
Me: Quick question. When you see M#%& in the halls, or in orchestra, does he ever stand behind someone and say their name creepily? Like he does to me?
Her: No lol
Me: You know what I'm talking about, right? Why does he only do this to me? D: I was walking to the orchestra room after school, and he was in front of me, but he had his swag on or something while he was texting, so then I got in front of him. Then he looked down and said "Victoriaa" like he usually does in a deep voice, and smiles. And he only does this to me.
Her: Lol idk
Me: You're suppose to know these things.
That wasn't much help. I think he does though, and I honestly, rationally thought this through. With logic this time, not emotions. This isn't just some random, "Oh, he's cute, I'm going to make myself believe he likes me because I want to get over him and waste more of my time on a boy blaaahh." Because it makes sense, and I have thought this for the past two years. I think he says my name when he's near me to let me know he's there, like he wants attention from me. Because he never does do this to anyone else. And on the orchestra trip freshmen year, he made me play a game while we were at the arcade. Specifically me. It wasn't
"Hey, someone come over here and play this with me." But
"Victoria, get your butt over here now I want to play this with youu."
I don't know. Gahh, boys suck. But I did just get this weird feeling where I know I don't need a boy to make me happy, I just need my friends. That was actually quite strange to be honest, I have no idea where that came from. It was just all of a sudden, bam, hit me. But it's true, and I know that. But like I said in my last post, if he asks me, I'd be more than happy to. But I won't worry too much about this.

Maybe, I'll ask him to the Sadie Hawkins dance this year. And say just as friends. Because all of my other friends are going. And it might be fun.

"You're smooth, and good with talking. You're going with me to the Sadie Hawkins."

Why do I always promise I won't talk about boys on here anymore, and then the next post I do? Oh well.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Save an egg, crack a smile.

This will not be one of those posts where I apologise for being gone for almost a month, or promise I'll post more often even though I already know I can't keep up with this. Because this post will have meaning. For this first time in awhile. :3

To start this off I would just like to say, Isn't that the coolest shirt ever?? I must find it and buy it.

I was thinking about deleting this blog, making another, and posting the link on here so the few people who do read this can still do so. Which I may do. Maybe either tonight or tomorrow or sometime during the next few days. Maybe not delete it, but create a different account. Or I might just completely change the look of it so it can at least look like a new blog. Which sounds less complicated and less effort than making a new one. So I'll probably do that after I'm done writing this.
Speaking of tomorrow, tomorrow is the first day of school. Which I am so thankful for. I love having a few weeks off from doing work, effing up my sleeping schedule, and talking to people I never can during the school year. But after awhile it just gets so boring. I did a few fun things this summer, like walking in the pouring rain, going to see Dinner for Schmucks with one of my guy friends, texting some creepy kid who always started off a conversation by calling me "pretty girl", having my best friend sleep over at my house (where we called her boyfriend and played truth or dare over the phone with him), and practicing guitar until my fingers nearly bled.
I've also been wanting to make a YouTube account and start doing vlogs. It might be a bit easier to just say what I feel and not write them down, and I would probably do it more often. Or even make some fun videos. But there are two problems with this idea:
  1. I almost never do anything exciting.
  2. I despise the sound of my voice, so I'm not sure how I would edit them if I needed to, let alone watch them in the future.
So, that wouldn't really work out. But hey, you never know.
I really like my school schedule for this year. One of my friends and I have the same class, and I'm taking art. I have to also go to the counselor to figure out a 4th period class for next semester, so I'll have to do that. Maybe I'll take psychology. I've always been interested in seeing how the mind works and whatnot. So if a music career doesn't work out, maybe I'll be a psychologist, who knows.
My friends want me to go homecoming dress shopping with them again this year. Which I wasn't planning on going to the homecoming dance, but I guess now I am. And we also planned on going to all of the football games this year. Every. Single. One. I want to make this year the best one so far. Hanging with my friends more, and just being happier would be nice. And no more boys. Unless some guy wants to hang out or go to the movies, I won't waste my time anymore. I'm surprisingly happy that things didn't work out with me and him. Now that I think about it, it wouldn't have been good for either of us.
For this school year I would also love to focus on my grades more and be less lazy. I'm an awful procrastinator. But I want to change that this year. Starting off by posting more often. Haha, I'm just kidding :) ...But seriously.

To end this post, I give you the best parody of 'California Gurls' by Katy Perry ever [click here to see it, because when I try to embed it, it looks funny with the template].

Actually, I lied. I have one more thing to add; So I finished typing this, and I thought to myself, "Oh, I need to add a picture to the top first. Maybe I'll redesign my blog first, then come back and finish this up later." But no. What happened to the old templates? Jeez, that just really surprised me. So weird. And I just looked out the window and it's cloudy outside. That makes me happy. Okay I'm done now. Bye ♥

edit 8:53 pm;
I found this on Tumblr, and instead of doing it there, I'm thinking of doing it on here sometime during the week so I can look back on it one day:

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Know what I mean?

"You know when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be; white dress, prince charming who'd carry you away to a castle on a hill. You'd lie in your bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa clause, the tooth fairy, prince charming, they were so close you could taste them. But eventually you grow up and one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely, because almost everyone has the smallest bit of hope and faith that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true.
At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale is slightly different than your dream. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important that it's happily ever after, just that it's happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in awhile, people may even take your breath away. You took my breath away."

I know I haven't posted in a month, but nothings been going on. Like seriously nothing. And this is another one of those boring posts. But I didn't want it to seem like I abandoned my blog. Cause I didn't. I'm just quite boring. More posts, at least once a week. Even if it's just jumbled nonsense. I need to write more.

But, I will most likely see some of my freinds next week. I feel like this summer has been a waste.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Some Crap About the Future

On Saturday one of my guy friends had asked me to hang out. Another girl was supposed to come too, but she bailed so it was just me and him. It was so weird. It was fun, but the whole time it just didn't seem right. He kept on nudging me during the movie, and he grabbed my wrist, which I thought was weird. Then when the movie was over at 9 he just left. He left me alone at the mall.

I was supposed to hang out with a guy that I like a lot earlier that day. But he got grounded and couldn't go. So when the guy left me there, I asked him to come since I still had about an hour left till I had to be home. But he was at work an hour later than he planned to be and we couldn't. So that sucked.

I had a dream Sunday or Monday night, that the guy I saw the movie with (Karate Kid, great movie btw) were hanging out, and we ended up on the floor in my mom's office by the front door. He kept moving closer, like he wanted to kiss me. And so I let him. And it was very nice, and it felt like my first kiss. But then I heard my mom coming so I pulled away from him, but he didn't want to stop. So that was nice. When I woke up I was so disappointed it didn't really happen. It felt so real though. By now I just want to get my first kiss over with, it doesn't really matter who it's with.

Tomorrow's my birthday. I'm going to be sixteen, finally. :)

The title is an Electric President song. It's not relevant to the post; I was just listening to Electric President as I was typing this up.

Monday, June 14, 2010

"I wonder if anyone thinks of me when they can't fall asleep at night.."

"I want a boy who will move the hair away from my eyes, and then kiss me. Who will hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous. A boy who will sing to me at random moments. Who lets me sleep on his chest. I want a guy who will tell his family and friends all about me. Bring me soup or orange juice when I’m sick. I want a boy who is more goofy than romantic, but knows the right things to say at the right times. I want a boy who will call me 3 times a day if he went away. A boy who will apologize for calling too much, and no matter how many times I tell him its okay, he’d still do it. A boy who will let me gossip to him and just smile and agree with everything I say. A boy who will throw stuffed animals at me when I acted dumb and then jump on me and kiss me a million times. Who will bet kisses on who could beat who at a game. Who makes fun of me just to make me laugh. A boy who will surprise me with a 25 cent ring and we could have contest of how far we can spit our gum. Who will take me to the park, put his hands around my waist and give me big bear hugs all the time. A boy who will kiss my neck, just to have a reason to tell me how much he loves my new perfume. I want a boy who, at night, will dance in his pajamas with me. A boy who will take pictures in photo booths with me, someone who will never turn down a trip to the lake and who will play tag on the beach with me. A boy who could sit with me on the kitchen floor and eat sandwiches. Who will kiss me in the pouring rain. I want a boy who would try to teach me how to play the guitar, even if we just end up laughing at each other. I want a boy who will run his fingers through my hair, share his lollipops with me, and get along with all of my friends. Someone who would never be afraid to say I love you in front of his friends and someone who would argue with me about silly things just to make up. I want a boy who will take me to Target to just make fun of some of the stuff there. Someone who will kiss me at midnight on New Years and who will make funny faces at me when I’m on the phone. I want a boy who will count stars with me and be friends with my family. I want a boy who will stay home with me on a Friday night just to help me make dinner and watch movies together under the same blanket. Someone who will squirt water guns at me in the house after I’ve got him soaked. I want a boy who looks me the eye and tell me something serious, that was also funny and make me promise not to laugh. A boy who could make me laugh like no one else can. I want a boy who will hold me closer than normal when I’m sick, and would play with my hair. But mostly I want a boy who is my best friend and will always be there for me."

Okay, so I lied, no exciting post today. BUT I think I'm going to make a Tumblr to post all of the random pictures and quotes and crap I find that I usually post on here, and post important things that happen on my blogger blog. I'll post the link next time I'm on here. I also promise to comment and check up on everyone's blogs soon.

Edit: Here's my Tumblr blog. Follow me if you want. :)

Sunday, June 13, 2010

"You deserve better"..."I don't want better, I want you." ♥

Decide to be happy, to live with what is yours. If you can't have what you want, maybe you can like what you have. Decide to be kind. Be cheerful. Be agreeable. Be friendly and understanding. Be your best, dress your best. Talk softly. Look for the bright side of things. Praise people instead of criticizing them.

Just for today, try it. After all, it's just for a day. Who knows? You might like it and do it again tomorrow. Then, what a life it could be. :)

"What if this time, I don't say hi first?
What if this time, I don't text you back?
What if this time, I leave you wondering?

Yeah. What if this time,
you're the one left feeling completely f#&ked over."

*Proper post tomorrow, pinky promise. :P

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

sometimes, all you can do is try

That’s the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.

Also, ask me anything: