Saturday, October 31, 2009

Salt in the Snow

I actually cannot stand my last post.

"Are you listening?"

This weekend so far has been okay. I went to a football game last night with a group of friends, tonight I'm going to a friends house, and tomorrow I'm going to fright fest at Six Flags.

And that's basically it. :/

This is too short, so enjoy this video of a song my friends were singing yesterday in the car on our way to the football game:

Oh, and Happy Halloween.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Hearing Damage

New song by Thom Yorke, gonna be on the New Moon Soundtrack.
Check it out.

So what have I been up to these past few weeks that I've been gone?

Absolutely nothing.

Sure, I've hung out with friends and went to football games. But not anything I've wanted to write down. I haven't even felt like writing anything for the month I've been gone. Like it's pure torture to sit down with my computer, figuring out what to write. Because nothing felt, right, if you know what I mean. Just nothing I wanted to write down.

I slept over at my friends house last night, and had this crazy dream. I tried writing it down, but it was all too confusing, even for me. It involved this guy that I really like. He seems like someone I could trust, someone that maybe I could care for. He seems honest, someone that maybe, just maybe, could like me back.

In this dream though, I did something that I've been wanting to do for weeks. And what could that be?
Actually talk to him.
To be honest, he kind of frightens me, and I think I like that. He's not really anyone I've really known before.

I talked to a friend last night about him. She agreed with that yes, he was in fact uber hot with his emo hair. And that when she had hung out with him he was sweet, had a gorgeous smile (which he does :) and cracked a few that's what she said jokes. (which my friends and I did all night last night. Good to know that someone adorable shares our sense of humor. :)

This kind of feels pathetic. I haven't written on my blog for nearly a month, and what do I decide to write about? Boys. Sorry about that, maybe next post will be better.

Last weekend I was very busy. It was a three-day weekend, which involved the plant sale, hobos, a freshman flirting with me, a football game in which our team kicked some serious butt, going to a park at 9 at night, and frappuccinos. It was pretty darn epic.

Hopefully I'll get back into the habit of posting more than once per month.
Take care polar bear. :P

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Song About An Angel

"I haven't forgot any words that you said, I just stare at the clocks and I cry in my sleep. I tear up your letters and I burn them in heaps, and I gather the ashes in that hole in the ground where we fell."

I'm finally back. I know that it's been a long time since I last posted, but since school has started I haven't been able to do much besides homework and sleep. But, since the last time I posted a ton of stuff has happened.

Thursday the orchestra went on a "field trip" to a concert hall to hear Midori play. If you don't know who she is, you have to look her up on YouTube, she is an amazing violinist. It was all just astonishing. Before we went there we went to the Log Cabin Village, where you basically learn about how people lived in the 1700s and 1800s. It would have been excrutiatingly boring if I had not been with the group I was with. :) The only bad part was that I was sick, and still am.

The last Sunday in August the orchestra had a fundraiser to a gaming place, and that was fun. I don't really remember anything "blog worthy" from it though except for an awkward horse-racing game. It did bring back some memories of when we went to that gaming place in San Antonio in April. :)

"Promise me that you'll never drive. Ever. And I mean it." (;

Also went to the first football game of the year on the 12th. I really need to start bringing my camera everywhere I go.

"It's a beautiful day; the sky falls and you feel like it's a beautiful day. Don’t let it get away."

I tried to make this week a pretty good week, since the first three weeks of school have been nearly awful. And I guess it was okay, except for the whole getting sick part. Which was not my fault. :P I didn't realize how hard it was to be an optimist. But it felt good to not lie when someone asks if I'm okay. I can finally say fine and mean it.

In a few hours I'm going dress shopping with two friends for homecoming. They're making me go, so we'll see how that goes. Tomorrow I'm going to help work on the orchestra float for homecoming parade since they need all the help they can get. My grandparents are also in town, so that should be, fun?

So that's it for now. Adiós.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Everything's Not Lost

I haven't really posted often, and I know that I broke my promise that I would post again a few weeks ago. Oops. :)

I guess this post is just to say that yes, I am still alive, and no, I didn't vanish in thin air. It's been what, at least 15 days since I last posted? I've been an awful blogger this summer, I know.

I did go shopping last week, found some very nice clothes for school. Which only starts in 3 days! Believe it or not I'm pretty excited about it, I can't wait to be back in school, and to be back in orchestra. And to be able to post more often, that would be nice too. :)

The 'Back to School Orchestra Party' was last week, I got to see some of my friends that I haven't seen since school, and those that I haven't seen in a year since they're a grade lower. It was a ton of fun, as those usually are.

Last Tuesday (or two Tuesdays ago?? I don't know, I've lost count.) I did have to go back to school for pictures and my schedule. Most of my friends aren't in any of my classes, there are still some I haven't talked to since school, so there is some hope left there.

"Today, I realized that if FML and MLIA were to battle, we would have excellent barriers because more than half of the MLIA-ers are professional fort builders. MLIA"

I have found my new favorite websites, MyLifeIsG and MyLifeIsAverage. Both have kept me up nearly all night trying to get through all of the pages. :)

"Today, my sister had her boyfriend over so I was stuck in my room. My best friend decided to sneak over, James Bond style, to hang out with me. We've been going on random raids through the house to get food and such. Each raid consists of diving summersaults, finger guns for protection, and of course the James Bond Theme song (in our heads). It's been three hours and they still have no clue. This is the most fun I've ever had. MLIA."

Yep, that's it. I'll try to post again, it's weird that I've only posted twice in August.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

True Love Waits

"Think about the good and never the bad. What would I do if I did not have you?" I Might Be Wrong [Radiohead].

There's not much going on again. I know I needed to post, and I promised I would post every two days. And how long has it been? Awhile, I know, but there's not much to say. So this will probably mainly be quotes. :)

"I want you to know he's not coming back. Look into my eyes, I'm not coming back." Knives Out [Radiohead].

Next Tuesday I have to go back to school to get my class schedule and take school pictures. I can't believe that it's already August and school starts in less than a month, it's unbelievable. It seems like school ended not too long ago, that I walked to Chik-fil-A with some friends on the last day of school only a few weeks ago, not months.

"This is my way of saying goodbye, because I can't do it face to face. I'm talking to you after it's too late." Videotape [Radiohead].

I was watching America's Got Talent earlier and I know who I want to win, Kevin Skinner. He sings with such emotion, both his guitar playing and voice is just beautiful. YouTube wouldn't let me embed the video, so here's the link: [Click] He's very, very good, and I don't like country music, at all. But I would have to say I would put him on my iPod. :) It seems like every year I always want musicians to win, I don't know why. :)

"Give me an answer, give me a light. I've been climbing up this ladder, I've been wasting my time." Up On the Ladder [Radiohead].

I went to the shops with my best friend today, and we talked about how in her past relationships the guys always said I Love You after only a few days. We started talking about how that's not really love, how could it be? You can't know a person in only a few days, and you can't love a person based on looks. It just irritates me how fast some people fall in love, those people usually get hurt badly in the end.

We also went shopping, that was fun. I just need some new jeans now, then I'll be good for the next year. :)

"So I made a promise to myself: to say each day how much he means to me, and avoid that circumstance where there's no second chance to tell him how I feel. So tell that someone that you love just what you're thinking of. If tomorrow never comes."

Yeah, that's about it. I'll try to post again this week, promise. :P

Thursday, July 23, 2009

All For the Best/ The Present Tense

"You are my sweetest downfall. I loved you first, I loved you first. Beneath the stars came falling on our heads, but they're just old light."

Again, not much to blog about, I know I say this every time, but it's true.

So I couldn't decide which to use for the title, since I thought I might as well use both for this post. So 'All For the Best' is in my playlist on the side and 'The Present Tense' is a YouTube video on at the end of the post. Enjoy.

I had some very weird dreams two nights ago, they were just so confusing, I don't even know how to describe them. Same last night too. Just, weird.

I plan on reading some more books during the summer, I haven't started any that I got for my birthday, and I have to read one by the end of the summer [My best friend and I made a deal: she would make a Twitter account if I read "A Separate Peace" by John Knowles. Does anyone know if it's good?]. I'm still not anywhere close to finishing Inkdeath, I might stay up late tonight to try to.

These will get much better once school starts, I've just been so bored and I want to continue posting, even if the post is about nothing.

"No one looked me in the eye. The more I tried, the more I cried. It's a long way to go before we can rest, but its all for the best. You're so beautiful it seems, on a lonely lazy morning when I see you rocking back and forth whispering that its all for the best.. Walk away from trouble, say you love me."

Friday, July 17, 2009

Last Flowers

Again, there's not really much to post about, hence the lack of posts. My summer so far has been sleeping in till 12 everyday, watching television, downloading and listening to a ton of music, and going to the shops with some friends. Nothing all that exciting has been going on lately.

Wednesday I went with a group of friends to Six Flags, and that was the best, a ton of fun. :) Though I am still sore from it [We were there for nearly 12 hours, walked around for maybe at least 9?] It was around 100 degrees out, very sunny. I did finally get a bit more tan, so now when I go back to school I won't look completely dead. It will probably fade within the next few days though, hah.

quizzes: + facebook. [just wanted to make this post seem longer than it is. (;]
{Feel free to scroll down to the bottom of the post.}
Being single is just fine with you, but you don't always love it.Like most people, you would prefer to be attached... but you are rightfully picky.While you may not need to be in a relationship, you'd like to be in one.You try to make your life as great as possible, whether you're with someone or not.
When people look into your eyes, they see mysteries galore. You're a deep and intellectual person, and others can see that through your sparkling eyes. You're quiet and shy, but once you get to know someone, you become comfortable around them. Your eyes often spark curiousity in others, and it bothers people how they can never tell what you're really thinking. You're hard to read and often hide your true emotions.
You are lighthearted, playful, and optimistic about the world.You're always having fun, and you're not the type to turn down anything sweet.People might be surprised to know that you're very sensitive.Even though you put on a brave face, your feelings are easily wounded [Second part is true, the first not at all. :P]
Vanilla, yes, but definitely not boring.You are subtly complex and deeply sophisticated.You're the type of person who has always been ahead of their time.You don't fall for gimmicks or tricks. You are drawn to what's true.

I finally got a new keyboard since the cord on my old one fell off of it and cracked in half [on carpet too, how lame is that?!]. So now I can finally practice that again! :) Guitar's been pretty good too, and I've been practicing violin for at least two days every week. I'm so excited for varsity next year!

"& if I'm gonna talk I just want to talk, please don't interrupt, just sit back and listen. Cause I can't face the evening straight, you can offer me escape. Houses move and houses speak, if you take me there you'll get relief.. It's too much, too bright, too powerful."

Hope everyone is having a fantastic summer so far! :)


Thursday, July 9, 2009

Great Expectations

I really need to post more often, I have no excuse for it. There's nothing much going on now, but I know when school starts I'll be posting at least once every two days, for sure.

The only thing that's blog-worthy was finally going to church with my best friend. It was weird for me, since I haven't gone in years. And it wasn't a normal church either, it was for junior high and senior high students, where christian rock bands played, it was really something. And the way he talked was incredible, it was in a way anyone could understand. The only problem was I'm agnostic.

I don't want to say that I was uncomfortable, though I was a bit. But my friend wanted me to go because she's afraid for me. But of course, for my first time going, they talked about pain. Yup, I thought it was pretty ironic. Hey said that there's a reason for pain, to make you stronger, and to help you later on through life. Everything happens for a reason. He said that there's people put here, that with the more pain they feel, the more fences they put around their hearts. It makes them harder to love and feel love, and it's more difficult for them to let God into their hearts.

And all I thought was Hey, that's me.

He also said that pain was a good thing. You need to welcome it into your life, because in the end everything will work out. That's something I've never believed before, and I'm still not sure if I even believe it now. I guess I'm just really confused about the whole thing. But last night has really given me something to think about.

That's been my week, including downloading music and watching tv. Exciting, no?

Saturday, July 4, 2009


"Meeting you was fate, and becoming your friend was a choice. But falling in love with you I had no control over."

I don't even know what to say in this post. I just felt the need to post, I needed to write everything down, and I also promised to post more often. I don't even know where to begin to say how I feel right now. So I'll let song lyrics do that for me.

"I never want to see you unhappy, I thought you'd want the same for me. Goodbye, my almost lover, goodbye my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think about you, can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance, my back is turned on you. I should've known you'd bring me heartache; almost lovers always do. I cannot go to the ocean, I cannot drive the streets at night. I cannot wake up in the morning without you on my mind. So you're gone and I'm haunted, and I bet you are just fine. Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?" A Fine Frenzy- Almost Lover.

"I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you. Yes, there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you. I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine, now I'm shining too because, oh because I've fallen quite hard over you. If I didn't know you, I'd rather not know, if I couldn't have you I'd rather be alone." Landon Pigg- Falling In Love at a Coffe Shop.

"We belonged to a bird who cast his shadow on this world. You were a blessing and I was a curse. I did my best not to make things worse for you. It isn't true, I always knew this would be our fate. This is what happens when we separate, this is what happens to all dead weight eventually. We may as well be made of stone, we can't be formed. One wing will never fly, neither yours nor mine. I fear we can only wave goodbye." Wilco- One Wing.

"I tried to do handstands for you, I tried to do headstands for you. Every time I fell on you, yeah every time I fell. I tried to do handstands for you, but every time I fell for you, I'm permanently black and blue, permanently blue for you." Chairlift- Bruises.

"Everything alive must die, every building built to the sky will fall. Don't try to tell me my everlasting love is a lie, everlasting everything. Oh, nothing could mean anything at all, every wave that hits the shore. Every book that I adore, gone like a circus, gone like a troubadour. Everlasting love for ever more, oh I know this might sound sad. But everything goes, both good and the bad. It all adds up and you should be glad. Everlasting love is all you have." Wilco- Everlasting Love.

"If you're still alive, my regrets are few. If my life is mine, what shouldn't I do? I get wherever I'm going, I get whatever I need. While my blood's still flowing, and my heart still beats, beating like a hammer." Metric- Help I'm Alive.

"When I see your smile, tears roll down my face I can't replace. And now that I'm strong I have figured out how this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul. And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one. I will never let you fall, I'll stand up with you forever. I'll be there for you through it all, even if saving you sends me to heaven. And seasons are changing, waves are crashing, stars are falling all for us. Days grow longer and nights grow shorter, I can show you I'll be the one. I will never let you fall, I'll stand up with you forever. I'll be there for you through it all, even if saving you sends me to heaven, 'cause you're my true love, my whole heart. Please don't throw that away. 'Cause I'm here for you, please don't walk away and please tell me you'll stay. Use me as you will, pull my strings just for a thrill. And I know I'll be ok, though my skies are turning gray." The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus- Your Guardian Angel.

"I'm reading your note over again, there's not a word that I comprehend. Except when you signed it:'I'll love you always and forever.'As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs, and sit alone and wonder how you're making out. And as for me, I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone, making out. I'm missing your laugh, how did it break? And when did your eyes begin to look fake? I hope you're as happy as you're pretending, I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets. I am alone in my defeat. I wish I knew you were safely at home." Dashboard Confessional- Screaming Infidelities.

"A blue, black shade of love, sent from above. My hands are tied to worlds unknown, and this I know. Your breath's like wine, and just like clouds, my skin crawls. It's so divine, the sky it glows with fields of light. Did you know that I love you? Come and lay with me. I love you. And all this day, I will love you. You make me feel alive, and I'll love you until the end of time. My hands shake clasped with fear as you come near. To say goodnight, just like a dove, a peaceful sign. To help us by as you come in, let this begin. Stars fall like dust, our lips will touch. We speak too much. I've got a lot to say, if you will let me. It's always hard when you're around me. But here right now, there's interest in your eyes. So hear me out, and hear this the first time." Angels and Airwaves- Breathe.

"Wherever you go you will return safe. And when you will walk you'll be walking with me. But if it comes the day you meet someone new, you will be with them. But I'll be thinking of you." Doves- Winter Hill.

"After years of waiting nothing came. And you realise you're looking, looking in the wrong place." Radiohead- Packt Like Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box.

"And I can't face the evening straight, you can offer me escape. Houses move and houses speak, if you take me there you'll get relief. And if I'm gonna talk, I just want to talk. Please don't interrupt, just sit back and listen." Radiohead- Last Flowers.

Sorry for the length, congrats to you if you made it all the way through. :P Hope everyone had a Happy Fourth of July!

And yes, the song is Icelandic. (;

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Gagging Order

"I think the most important thing about music is the sense of escape." -Thom Yorke

I can't believe it's been more than a week since I've blogged! I know I promised that I would post more often, but nothing has been happening. My birthday was Tuesday, which went okay. In the morning my mom and I went to Barnes & Noble to pick out a few books:
  • Along for the Ride by Sarah Dessen
  • Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte (I knew I'd have to read it eventually. :)
  • The Essential Tales and Poems of Edgar Allen Poe
  • Wicked by Gregory Maguire (Looks so good!)
  • Night World [Book One] by L.J. Smith

Then we went out to dinner a bit later. I finally got a new camera, an Olympus FE-3000 and a $50 iTunes gift card. I've used more than half of it already to buy three Cd's that I couldn't find anywhere.

"It's happening soon, it's happening soon. Its scent has been blowing in my direction. To me it is new, to me it is new, and it's not gonna change for anybody. And it's gonna be our last memory, and its led me on, and on to you. It's got to be here, it's got to be there, it's gotta be now or I'll lose forever. To me it is strange, this feeling is strange, but it's not going to change for anybody. And it's gonna be our last memory, and its led me on and on to you. Accuse me, trust me, I never knew that you were the one, you were the one. And it's gonna be our last memory, and it's led me on, and on to you. You."

Last week my friend and I went to see My Sister's Keeper, which I highly recommend you go see if you haven't already. It was one of the best movies I've ever seen, though that's not saying much. It was just so sad, and I rarely ever cry, so it was weird for me to cry in the middle of the theater. You could hear people around us sniffling, it was just so sweet. :)

"There is always a little madness in love. But there is always a hint of madness in logic."

Remember how I posted a while back that I was finally, truly over him? Well apparently my subconscious thinks differently. I didn't have any feelings for him until a few days back. The feelings are slowly coming back again, and I can't stand it. I've been having weird dreams about him, that make me want to be with him like I've wanted before. It will never happen, and I don't want it to. Why do I even feel like this? It's even worse that I won't see him for nearly two more months, but I think it could possibly be a good thing too. Maybe being away will help. I hope.

"We're living in a world where being ourselves isn't good enough."

This time I do promise I'll post more often, maybe at least once every two days? Summer hasn't been very exciting so far, but it has been pretty good.

Peace. :)

Monday, June 22, 2009


"Come on in, I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in, I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones. That I started looking for a warning sign, when the truth is, I miss you. Yeah the truth is that I miss you so."

I do feel a ton better than I did from my last post. Friday night I also felt lonely when going to the movies with a different group of friends, a different girl and the same guy. But this time they were going out as a couple. It was my friend's last day here before she went on vacation for a week, that was the only reason I went along too.

I don't know if I regret going. Sure, I felt like crap. But it made me realize later that night that I just shouldn't care about those things, at least not yet. I know there's probably no one here I would want to go out with anyway. So why even bother worrying? I'll probably just go off to college (somewhere cold, no sun, maybe Alaska? Or Forks, that would be much better (: And most likely on a music scholarship, I would love to do something with music later in life. So, my point is, I shouldn't worry. I might not like this now, but I shouldn't care.

"This time I wonder what it feels like to find the one in this life; the one we all dream of. But dreams just aren't enough."

Whats your hidden talent? Music
You hear passion all around you, you can't help but stop study or work to hear people walking past. You seek perfection in the collection of sounds. If you're not a musician already, you should look it up.

"How can I forget you when you're always on my mind? How can I not want you when you're all I want inside? How can I let you go when I can't see us apart? How can I not love you when you control my heart?"

I don't have any big plans for this week, maybe go to the mall with some friends Thursday night, but that's really it. All of my friends are on vacation, so I can't wait for them to get back! I did go through all of my older posts on my older blog later today. I can't believe how much he controlled my life, my mind. Even more than that I can't believe how long it took me to get over him. It all just seems so ridiculous now, I'm just so glad it's over.

"I don't feel what you feel, I don't wanna feel this incomplete. And no one here can tell me how to fill this space between. Everyone knows you're my one regret. Everyone knows you're my one weakness."

Hope everyone has a great week, I'm gonna try to post more often during the summer!

Peace. (:

Thursday, June 18, 2009


"Did you know that I love you? Come and lay with me. I love you, and honesty, I love you, you make me feel alive. And I'll love you, until the end of time."

I've decided that I want someone there for me. Tonight I was with my best friend and another friend. It's obvious that he likes her, and I know he has for awhile, since the first grade. I just want to know what it feels like for someone to care about you, because sometimes it feels like no one is here. No one to protect me, like I'm out here all alone.

He cares about her so much, protects her from anything, it's ridiculous.

I know there is no one here I would go out with, and no one I could trust as much as this one guy that I just like soo much. I think he's here for me, but I can never be sure. I want something definite and I know I'll probably never get that from him. I know he's going to leave me soon, but I don't want him too. I don't know if I can handle it. And trying to ignore him is difficult, nearly impossible. I just can't do it. I know once he leaves I won't be myself, that he's gonna take a part of me with him.

But I also feel like I need to like him, more than I want to. No one else is here, and he just gives me a bit of hope that not all guys are bastards, some are nice, and things do work out in the end.

Though my only solution is just to be unhappy for another three years, waiting for someone to come along to find me, because I don't think I want to look anymore. Every guy I like doesn't like me back. And yes, I do want that superpower, where nearly everyone likes you. Even if it hurts in the end, I really don't care. I want to feel that pain. I know how stupid it sounds, but I just don't care. To just take that risk would feel amazing to me.

I know I still have my friends here, and I want to make the best with them. It's just sometimes you want that little bit extra.

^I wrote that last night, I was just so pissed off at that guy, he was acting like such a dick. I did have a great time last night, I took one of the biggest risks ever, doing something my parents told me repeatedly not to. And it felt pretty damn good.

Summer has been pretty good so far, other than last night. I'm not really sure what else to say. I'm still kind of unsure whether to post this or not. I think I might as well.

Monday, June 15, 2009


"Fine I admit it;
I think of you every second of every day. You're my favorite subject to talk about. When I hug you I wish I could never let go. Most of all my dreams have you in them. I always get excited when i see you again.
&& I'm completly in love with you."

I don't really have much to post about, I am just so devastatingly bored. This is the only part of summer I don't like, there's never anything to do and you get bored and actually want to go to school by the time it's July. Except I feel like I need to go back or I'm gonna jump off the roof or something.

It's like we anticipate summer to come. But when it's finally here, while we're enjoying the chance to sleep in (unless you're like me and have extreme insomnia and other sleeping disorders during the summer) and enjoy the sun (again, unless you're like me (;), you just want in to end, because most of the time there's nothing to do.

Though later I'm going shopping with a friend, that's gonna be fun! :)

"You could be my unintended choice to live my life extended. You could be the one I'll always love. You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions, you could be the one I'll always love. I'll be there as soon as I can, but I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before."

yep, another quiz:
You are a deeply complicated and sometimes deeply disturbed person.You can't help but be attracted to the dark side of life - even when it's pretty gruesome. In relationships, you are honest and real. So real that it's definitely a little scary.You don't fake it or play along just to get along. And people either respect this... or deeply resent itYour life is thoughtful, deep, and even philosophical at times.You see the world as it is. You don't sugar coat anything.Facing and fighting your fears is important to you. You believe that too much of life is whitewashed.You're not too morbid... you just believe that you can't enjoy life without exorcising a few demons first!At your best, you are brave, intense, and fearless.Not only do you face the abyss head on - you challenge your friends to do the same.At your worst, you are depressed and morose.If you're not careful, your thoughts take over your mind... and they aren't pretty!

^Not very true, but oh well.

& Now, I leave you with this quote:
"There were people everywhere on the city street, but the stranger could not have been more alone if it were empty."

Peace. :)

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Go To Sleep

"What a beautiful dream that could flash on the screen, in a blink of an eye and be gone from me. Soft and sweet, let me hold it close and keep it here with me, me. And one day we will die, and our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea. But for now we are young, let us lay in the sun and count every beautiful thing we can see. Love to be, in the arms of all I'm keeping here with me, me"

Wow, it's been awhile since I posted, hasn't it? At least I have a ton of stuff to say for once.

Last week was a bunch of fun, though I didn't really do much, just hang out. I went to Six Flags with one of my best friends on Friday. We mostly talked, hung out, and rode a ton of roller coasters:

[Titan, Mr. Freeze, Flashback, and Texas Giant]

I think I'm still sore from the Texas Giant. It hurt so badly. :/

It was so much fun though. It was nice to finally have someone I could talk to, about nearly everything. And someone my parents actually trusted me with, that's always a good thing.

Then, Friday night, two hours after I got home, my friend walked over to my house. Hers isn't too far away, so it wasn't too bad, It's just a lot of stuff had been going on in her life, she just had to get away from it all just for a bit. I had never seen her cry, so it was pretty bad to see her. I'm glad that she did come over though, even though it was for only a bit. I miss her so much, I wish I could see her every day, but I can't.

She's done some pretty stupid things, and I worry about her so much. I'm just so afraid of what might happen to her. Sorry, I know I'm giving absolutely no details, I just don't really want to say much about it. :/

Last night I went to the movies with her and her family though, and it was fun. We saw Imagine That, which I do recommend you guys see, it was really good.

"I'm gonna go to sleep, let this wash all over me."

I haven't slept much these past two nights. Friday I got about 2 hours of sleep, and about 4 for last night. Friday I was just so worried for my friend, and just thinking about a lot of stuff. Then last night I was talking to my one friend online, and I was suppose to talk to this one guy, but that didn't work out. So I ended up going to bed at around 3:30, and woke up 7. Yeah, I'm exhausted now.

"And I knew it from the start, so my arms are open wide, your head is on my stomach. And we're, we're trying so hard not to fall asleep."

I don't have anything going on next week, maybe I'll finally go shopping or something. Summer has been pretty good so far, just my sleeping schedule is pretty screwed up now. :P

"I'm still carrying a little hope that maybe things could be different now. Is that so wrong?"


Monday, June 8, 2009


Eh, I have absolutely nothing to post about. Summer so far has been pretty boring, haven't done much except for hanging out all day with my friends on Friday and going to my friend's house yesterday.

I'm probably going to Six Flags on Friday, and hopefully going shopping with my friend on Tuesday and some other time next week. I'm pretty excited, I'm in desperate need of some new clothes.

quiz: [again]
What's Your Gift?
You are constantly dreaming. You are always thinking about what could be.You love to express yourself in many ways. You have a way with words and tell vivid stories.
You love to be amused. You are good entertaining yourself, and other people find you hilarious.You're the type of person who finds staying happy easy. There's always fun to be had!

^The first part is true. The second, not so much.

Woah this is really short. I have nothing left to say, so I think I'll go practice now.


Saturday, June 6, 2009

Time Is Running Out

"I can’t take the pressure, no one cares if you live or die. They just want me gone, they want me gone."

Summer vacation officially starts today. This summer should be a lot more fun than last year's, now that I actually have a friend my parents don't hate.

Last night I was thinking. A lot. The guy I like, who I thought liked me just a bit, well, I don't think he likes me anymore. Not in that way. He's just, changed. I did like everything about him, he was just amazing. I think he still cares about me, just like he made me believe. Just not like I want him to. But I'm used to it by now, he's just another guy I can add to my list of all the guys I liked who never liked me back.

I started thinking about this after I came home from the movies with my friends. It was me and a friend, then my other friend and her boyfriend. Whom she tells me she loves, and whom I finally got to meet last night.They are pretty cute together, but when they were together, it made me realize how alone and empty I really am. Something that your friends can't really help you with. I do want a relationship with someone, really badly. I won't go off with some random guy, which is why I keep rejecting that one guy. I want something that I think would actually work out in the end, though a one week relationship wouldn't be too bad. Just to be with someone for a bit might make everything a bit better. I might not have to pretend to be happy anymore, I might actually, truly, be happy.

I hate waiting around, not knowing anything about him. I don't think he knows I like him, but I don't think I even want hm to. But I still think anyway that I should have spoken up when he told me that no one in the school likes him. I could never go out with him though, so there's really no point, right?

quizzes []
You've reached a point in your life where you need a lot of downtime.You need to rest, recuperate, and reevaluate. Give yourself this time.
It's possible that you've suffered some losses. Or maybe life just has you worn down.Take time to relax. You will emerge a better person if you are able to find true quiet and stillness.

You are dramatic, expressive, and even a bit temperamental.You are artistic and creative. You're always dabbling in something.You are very self-aware and introspective. You understand yourself well.You are on a constant journey in life, and you change frequently. You're a shapeshifter of sorts.

You're the type of person who likes to do things your way. You're a little stubborn.You're very expressive and a true individual. You don't like to compromise.You are a very private person. You value your alone time.While you may seem self centered to some, you are actually very cooperative when you need to be.

"If you be my star, I'll be your sky. You can hide underneath me & come out at night, when I turn jet black, & you show off your light. I live to let you shine. But you can skyrocket away from me & never come back if you find another galaxy far from here with more room to fly. Just leave me your stardust to remember you by."

Oh, and I passed all my finals! I am technically a sophomore now! :)


Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Smells Like Teen Spirit

"I'm worse at what I do best, and for this gift I feel blessed. Our little group has always been and always will until the end."

This week has been pretty amazing so far. Tomorrow I have the French Listening final, then the Reading part on Thursday and the Orchestra "final" which was our last concert. Geometry and Biology finals are on Friday, and those should be pretty easy.

Oh, and what made the week so amazing? Auditions for varsity orchestra were on Monday, and...

i made varsity orchestra!!! :D

I'm so excited for next year, though none of my friends made it, and I was the only girl from non-varsity to make it. I really don't care though, I shouldn't hold back, and I worked soo hard on the music, I'm not gonna give up an opportunity like this.

We're having our culture day tomorrow for French. We were suppose to have it on Cinco De Mayo (Yeah, I know. :P), but because of the Swine Flu it got cancelled, and no one thought we were ever gonna have it. But fortunately we are after the final.

And, just a few minutes before I made this post, I logged on to Facebook and guess who decided to send me an instant message? My friend's ex-boyfriend. Yeah, he wanted to go see a movie, but not just as friends, as "bf and gf". I rejected him, I refuse to go out with him after how he treated her. He was so persistent though, it got so irritating. He also told me that "I was the only one he wanted". That's such bull, ugh I hate him. >:(

Only 2 and 1/2 days of school left! :)


Sunday, May 31, 2009

Chasing Pavements

Last night the orchestra party was so much fun, I absolutely love everyone that was there! It was in fact "beastly", and was just incredible! I know everyone there had a great time, of course including me. :)

This morning I went out to buy some much needed swimsuits. I needed them so badly, I only had two, and they didn't even fit right, they were way too big.

Varsity orchestra auditions are tomorrow and Tuesday. I really hope I get it tomorrow, I'm about as ready as I'll be, and just want to get it over and done with.

Next week is the last week of school, I can't believe it! I'm so excited for summer, I just need a chance to relax and hang out by the pool. I've been so stressed this whole year and not getting much sleep, (I've turned into a slight insomniac) and everythiing has just been getting so screwed up.

Wish me luck for finals!! :O

Friday, May 29, 2009

Harrowdown Hill

I just got back from the mall with some friends, came home, and just cried on the bathroom floor. I was done with all of the shit my mom had given me. I knew she hated my best friend, there's no point in hiding it from me anymore, I fucking know it.

While I was crying I had my cell phone with me. I had to turn on "Harrowdown Hill", the only song that can make me feel comfortable. Though it did make me cry even more, it helped me a ton. That song means so much to me, you can't even imagine.

When I was done I looked in the mirror. I didn't even recognize myself. Tears rolling down my face, my eyes an even brighter gold with some blue streaked in them. My face even paler than usually, sinking even more in making me look half dead. I'm not the person I though I'd be, even a half a year ago. I had been beaten, finally reasoning that I should just give up, there's no point in fighting anymore.

I want to run away, but where would I go? So that is not an option.

I guess I just have to put up with the shit for now, at least now I'm gonna fight back, be the total, stubborn bitch that I am. No one should care for me, I'm not worth it. They'll probably leave after using me anyone, just like most people have.

Those are the people my parents want to be friends with, because they don't know the real them. But once I find a real best friend, who actually understands me when I understand her, they have to take that away from me. Just because she went to a mental hospital doesn't mean she's a bad person. They just hate to see me truly happy. They don't know what's best for me, only I do. But they don't even trust me.

Sorry, I'm not gonna comment back tonight, I'm just not up to it, probably tomorrow.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Sad Eyes

"I can tell that you're lonely, but it seems now there's nothing you want me to do. So I won't try to take the sadness from those eyes that I love, leave it open for someone else to. And when you smile those sad eyes look sadder and sadder still."

The concert Tuesday was unbelievably awesome! Everything went perfect, and everyone sounded great, it was an amazing way to end the year. I can't wait till next year to be able to be in the orchestra again, preparing for concerts. There's just something about them that are just so, magical, I guess. It's pretty exciting.

My friend made me learn Dwarven Runes from Lord Ring of the Rings, which is like writing in code. So now I can honestly say I can write in it, I memorized most of the symbols, except for "X" and "Z", but I don't think I've ever used them before. Hah, we're such dorks, aren't we? :)

I decided I couldn't really take my one friend anymore, she just scares me. She just comes on a bit too strong, you would understand if you met her. She's just loud and obnoxious, and basically just the complete opposite of me. So, instead of just telling her, I've been trying to ignore her. But today she caught up to me after French, so what do I do? The horrible person that I am asks her to wait for me in the hall, then I beg (well, I didn't really have to beg (;) this uber cute guy in my French class to walk with me through the hallway, thinking that she wouldn't walk with me if I was with a guy.

It worked, but now I feel sorta bad. Should I? I mean, seriously, he is amazing, totally went along with everything once I explained it to him, I couldn't have thanked him more.

I'm not sure what I should do about this girl. I mean, she's really starting to scare me. I'm not sure how to describe it, but it's like I can't stand being around her anymore. Ugh, I don't know. :(

This weekend there's an end-of-year orchestra party. That should be a ton of fun, I can't wait.

The speaking and writing of my French finals are tomorrow, then I have finals next week. Only 6 days left! I cannot wait till summer's here, I'm so exhausted, I'll probably just sleep and listen to music. I probably should be studying right now.. nah, I think I'll continue to do an amazing job at procrastination.

Peace. :)

Monday, May 25, 2009


Wow, I haven't posted in nearly a week. There isn't much updating to do though.

The banquet Tuesday went very well, although I knew only one other person there. And I had to wear a dress, which was pure torture. I tripped on almost every chair to get up to the stage in heels and a dress. And you'll never hear anyone call me Grace, so you could imagine how well that went. I might post some pictures next post.

The one for orchestra went a ton better, most of my friends were there, and it made realize how much I really appreciate the whole group, it was just completely amazing. I'll really miss all the seniors who are leaving this year, it just wont be the same. We all were kind of like this big, happy family. It's really great.

The orchestra concert is tomorrow, and we sound really, really good. I'm kinda excited for that, it's our last concert for the year, so it actually is only kinda important. :)

Now I have to make a CD or my friend might kill me tomorrow. (You know who you are, haha. (;)

Peace. :)

Boten Anna

You guys!! Y'all need to go to this blog right now!! :)

She's amazing, one of my friends, you need to read it!!!!!

I shall comment everyone back later and make a real post. :)

Monday, May 18, 2009


"Everything about you pains my envying, your soul can't hate anything. Everything about you is so easy to love, they're watching you from above. Give me all the peace and joy in your mind, I want the peace and joy in your mind. Everything about you resonates happiness, now I won't settle for less."

This weekend was pretty amazing

I finally found my dress, and it looks so great on me, I can't wait till tomorrow. Well, I can, because I really don't want to go. But the orchestra one is on thursday, and that one should be a ton of fun, although some of my friends aren't going. And only one of my friends is going to the one tomorrow, all of my other friends got an 89 in one of their classes. Maybe I'll do that next year, just so I can skip it. (;

I woke up a bit earlier than usual, and went out to find a new pair of glasses. Which I did, and I love them. Maybe I'll take a picture when I get them, maybe. :P After that I went to a book store and bought a few more books, so thankfully I'll have a few to keep me busy for awhile. Then I cleaned my room and the living room upstairs, which is basically just like my second bedroom, which I haven't done in nearly forever.

In the morning I basically did nothing, I woke up a bit later than I wanted to, then got ready to go to the mall. I got there around 1, then walked around with my friends until about 5, until our other friends got there. Yep, 4 hours. But believe me, when you're with them, you can get into a buttload of trouble. (; Then at 6:30 we went to see Star Trek, which I highly recommend you go see!

The point of going was mostly for my friend. She's going out with this one guy now, who after yesterday I know can sorta tolerate. She just didn't want to be alone with him, so I had to go find a "friend date". Which thankfully I did. My other friend came too, but her boyfriend couldn't go, and she didn't want to feel left out. So we were searching around the mall to find her a friend date too. But there were no hot guys there! Never on a Sunday, of course. We went up to this one nerdy guy, whom I think we scared. But he said no, and we couldn't find anyone else, but it was still a ton of fun.

sunday night:
I was up till around 2 last night reading. Yeah, I was exhausted today. But I'll probably do it again tonight, just because. :)

This week is going to be so boring. Probably full of drama too, with my friend and all. :/


Thursday, May 14, 2009

Communication Breakdown

This weekend I'm going to the movies, maybe see Star Trek, I'm not sure though. School has been pretty good, I have two end-of-year banquets I have to go to next week, and this weekend I'm gonna go shopping to find a dress. Wish me luck! :P

I think my one friend likes me. He's so adorable, but I'd rather not explain what makes me think that. It's pretty long, and just in case someone I know reads this, they'll no for sure who it is. (;

My friend has a boyfriend now. I personally hate him and won't let her go out with him alone, she doesn't even want to be alone with him. So I'll probably go with her, and maybe I'll ask him to go as my "date".

And now, I leave you with this quote:

"Some people are like slinkies, they don't really have a purpose, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs."

"Don't push him down the stairs! Every time you do God kills a kitten!"

Peace. <3

Monday, May 11, 2009

I Know You Are But What Am I?

Haven't posted in awhile, have I? :P

Nothing much has been going on school-wise. Just a whole bunch of tests, projects and whatnot. I probably should be coloring my poster for geometry right now, but I felt like I just had to do a post.

I added about 100 songs to my iPod this weekend, probably about 200 in the past week or so.

Today I decided that I'm going to learn how to play the guitar and piano. I thought that it might improve my already amazing violin skills (just kidding :P ), and I thought it would be kinda nice to learn a few more instruments. So today I dug out my old keyboard from the back of my closet, got out some of my old violin books, and started to teach myself. I must say it was a lot of fun. I used to want to play it when I was younger for the longest time, but then I just eventually gave up with it. I don't know why, I'm just so excited 'bout it. :)

My dad used to play the guitar when he was younger, so he has two guitars, one of which I can teach myself to play. I already can read music, so this should be pretty easy. :)

I promise to comment everyone back within the next day or so, I'm so tired it's ridiculous.

Peace. :)

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Angels on the Moon [again]

*I apologize in advance for the long-ness of this. This was based on the dream that I had so long ago, I just felt like I needed to expand on it, that it would help me sort out everything in my head. That this would, finally, make me get over him. Which sorta did, but I still thought that this turned out pretty well.* (;

It was the last day of school. I quickly walked down the crowded hallway, pushing my way through the many couples that were crowding it, each giving each other looks of pure love and admiration. "Sick" I muttered to myself as I finally arrived at my second period class, the class that had always brung me so much pleasure, world geography.

It was different than my other classes, which was why I always wanted to get there as early as possible. Not only was he there, sitting next to me, asking for answers. But he always acted differently in this class than any other we've ever had together. Like he actually cared about what I had to say. Though he did make the occasional short joke, but seriously, who didn't? None of our other friends were there, no one there that we both knew. So finally, after so long of waiting, I got a chance to be together with him, my only chance. Which never lasted long enough, of course.

He was already there, like always, waiting for me. I sat down as he smiled at me. "Hey." he said, as he always did. And, as always, my response: "Hi." With a smile in return, of course.

Today seemed to be a bit different than the rest. I could feel some tension between him and I, something I've felt only too often when we were around other people. But never when it was just us. I turned to look at him, to look into his deep blue eyes. His dark brown hair was starting to get in the way. But today didn't seem like it would be the best day to joke about his hair with him.

"What's on your mind?" I asked him.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it."

I nodded once, still looking into his eyes, then slowly turned away. I couldn't help but notice how close he seemed to me today, our desks closer than usual.

Class then started. Luckily it was just a working period where we could work on homework. Since we were in the back, we could easily talk unnoticed. Which is what we usually did. We both slid a bit closer to each other, then got out our homework, pretending to work. Two other girls, who could be considered more of acquaintances than friends, decided to move over to where we were and worked with us. I could obviously tell they both had a crush on him. Even him, as oblivious as he was, could tell. But, fortunately, he never paid any attention to them.

We worked like that for awhile, in silence. I occasionally caught him looking at me, his bright blue eyes even brighter than usual, looking at me uncertainly. As our eyes met each time, he'd quickly look away. By then I knew that something was wrong.

The two girls quickly got up and left to who knows where, leaving just me and him alone, like it always had been. He looked at me, our eyes meeting for what seemed like more than it actually was, before he finally told me what I had been waiting to hear for awhile. "I have something important to tell you."

My heart started to beat uncontrollably, not knowing what he could possibly need to tell me, me of all people. I tried to calmly say "What?" but knew that I would fail miserably at it, so I just nodded slowly, my eyes begging him to continue.

"Well, " he started, hesitating. "I've decided something. Something I think to be important." His eyes never leaving mine, wondering what I was thinking. "And what would that be?" I asked. We both knew that my voice was shaking as he slowly slid closer to me. He picked up my left hand, which was trembling on my knee, and held it carefully in both of his. "I've been wanting to do this for awhile. I was afraid, though I knew how you felt, which didn't make it any better." He said, smiling, laughing quietly as the confusion seeped even more into me. "What did you decide?" I asked quietly, afraid to talk even louder than a whisper to ruin the moment.


He took my other hand, stood me up, and put both of his hands gently on my face. He leaned down slowly, as I felt his cool breathe against my lips. He hesitated, then even slower than I thought possible, gently put his lips against mine.

I had never felt more of a rush than I had with this moment that I wanted to last forever. He moved his right hand to my hip, gently putting it there, then his other hand around the back of my neck. He knew how I felt about that, but also knew that he was the only person who could do that without making me jump. But the chills that that gave me felt incredible, better than anything could ever feel.

He slowly backed away, looking into my eyes. Both of us were trying to catch our breath, knowing that our friendship would never be the same. But both knowing that something more incredible was waiting for us just around the corner.

That's where my dream ended, me waking suddenly, shaking, feeling alone and empty, knowing that that could never possibly happen.

As you could obviously tell I was quite bored yesterday and today. Not much to do, I thought, "Hey, why don't I expand on the dream?!" So I did. Yay for me for finally doing something productive this week.

I have to go back to school tomorrow, hopefully I'll feel a bit better and be able to wake up by 7.

Peace. :/

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


"I tried to do handstands for you, I tried to do headstands for you. Every time I fell on you, yeah every time I fell. I tried to do handstands for you, but every time I fell for you, I'm permanently black and blue, permanently blue for you."

So far this week has been pretty good, not much has been going on though. I've just been listening to a bunch of music and whatnot.

another quiz:
You Are the Library
You are very intellectual and well read. You tend to be absorbed in your own interests.You can seem a bit standoffish. To be honest, you're not that interested in other people.You are comforted by the things you own. You tend to be a pack rat.It's likely that you have many old possessions that you treasure. You rarely throw anything away.

^These have been getting ridiculously accurate lately. :P

Yes, I am still sick, unfortunately. I want to get out of the house soon or I might go insane. I might just have to fake feeling good tomorrow. (;

Hopefully something exciting and blog-worthy happens this week. :P


Saturday, May 2, 2009

Such Great Heights

"I'm looking at you through the glass; don't know how much time has passed. Oh God, it feels like forever, but no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head." ~Stone Sour, Through Glass

Blech. I'm sick, it's so gross. I don't have Swine Flu, but I have a terrible sore throat, and I can't breathe out of my nose. I didn't go to school yesterday, thankfully. But, because of the Swine Flu, there's no school for next week. And we don't have to make it up, so awesome.

"The only thing worse than a boy who hates you - a boy who loves you." ~The Book Thief.

Also, because of the Swine Flu, we had to move our concert and banquet for orchestra up a week. Which is good, because I still have to find a dress. Oh joy. And we aren't allowed to work at the plant sale this weeked, only our parents could. I wouldn't have been allowed to go anyway, me being sick and all.

"It's like I'm drowning in my own darkness, my own misery. I just want to swim back up to the surface, to finally be able to breathe again. Though I might need some help, I will find someone, one day. I just hope I don't drag them down with me, deeper and deeper into the water.."

I have no idea what I could possibly do next week. Though we are off from school, we're not allowed to leave home. Still fun? Nah, not much. I will be able to sleep though, I am so tired right now. All my dreams have been really clouded, like I have no idea what's happening in them. I can remember having a dream, just not what it's about, it's so frustrating.

"How do you feel? That is the question, but I forget, you don't expect an easy answer. When something like a soul becomes initialized and folded up like paper dolls and little notes, you can't expect a bit of hope. So while you're outside looking in, describing what you see, remember what you're staring at is me."

Quizzes []:

When you think of love, you think of committing to one person for the rest of your life.In love, you see things how they could be. You are wrapped up in your own dreams.If you are in love, you like to keep it a secret for a while. It feels more special that way.You are patient in love. You are willing to wait for the right person and the right time.

Life has required you to go your own way and do your own thing.You've been taught to rely on yourself. You don't feel comfortable relying on others.You are highly motivated and aggressive. You have no problem getting things done and getting what you want.You feel like you have to look out for yourself, because no one else is.

"I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images, and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned. I have to speculate that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes, like puzzle pieces from the clay. True, it may seem like a stretch, but its thoughts like this that catch my troubled head when you're away. When I am missing you to death."

^The song Such Great Heights, was originally done by Iron & Wine, but there is also a cover of it by The Postal Service, both of which are on I reccomend looking them both up, both are very good.

Peace. :/

*EDIT: Everyone thinks that I was the one with swine flu who closed the whole dstrict down. Ugh.*

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Lost Cause

"& She's so scared to get close to anyone. Because everyone that ever said "I'll be there", left."

It's been awhile since I last posted hasn't it? Well, I actually have much to say this time: :)

Friday went very well. The best day ever in orchestra, and I basically just felt good the whole day. Which doesn't usually happen. I also got an iPod touch, and it is just so amazing, I love it. :)

Friday night I had a sleepover at a friend's house. I felt uncomfortable most of the time though. I hate people touching me, even the slightest movement makes me jump now. It always seems like she has to touch me, always, and I always back away. So apart from the short jokes every five minutes, she'd tell me that I hate her because I don't like her touching me. Hellooo!! I don't like ANYONE touching me!!! Ughh. It just really pissed me off.

Saturday we went to the jazz festival. It was quite fun, the music was pretty good. She was just being annoying, but that was really it.

Sunday I went to the plant sale, and that was a ton of fun. My friend who moved to a different school showed up for awhile and helped out. I had missed her so much, it was great to see her again. :)

This week we've had exams, so the freshmen have been able to go to school about two hours later, so it felt great to sleep in for a bit. Unfortunately we're only going to have orchestra every other day this week. Our concert is coming up soon, and our end of year banquet after that. I have to go find a dress to wear to that now, that should be an adventure. (;

One of my guy friends just left. He won't talk to me anymore, and I refuse to talk to him now. I just wished that I knew what had happened between us, why I feel that he all of a sudden hates me. It's a horrible feeling, I just wish he knew how much I miss him.

I've gotten into drawing now. I might post some later, once I get better. It's just the shading, it's so difficult! :P

That's basically it.

Peace. :/

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Subterranean Homesick Alien

"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you will never walk alone. People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Never throw out anyone. -Audrey Hepburn

^Told you I'd use it sooner or later, if you still read this. :P

This week has been pretty good so far (It seems like every week has only been "pretty good", hasn't it?).

Today I went to the eye doctor, which I have to go every six months because my eyes are so messed up, but we haven't been to one since we moved here, so this was a pretty big deal. :P They corrected my vision from 20-60 to 20-30 with glasses, it's really great! I can't wait to get a new pair of glasses, I desperately need them. My eyes are still blurry from the drops they gave me, so my computer screen is a bit blurry still. :P

The plant sale is this weekend, so I hope I can go to that, and the Jazz Festival with my friend, and my best friend's "belated" birthday party, which her real birthday is tomorrow. So thankfully I'll be busy. :)

I don't know why I'm using all these smileys, it's starting to irritate me now... :/

Oh, and I wanted to post this too:
  • Anthropophobia - Fear of people

  • Atychiphobia - Fear of failure

  • Achluophobia - Fear of darkness

  • Autophobia - Fear of being alone

  • Dystychiphobia - Fear of accidents

  • Pistanthrophobia - Fear of trusting

  • Philophobia - Fear of love
I'm really tired, I find that the more sleep I get the more tired I am. Go figure, especially now that I want to sleep. Because, well, yeah. You know. (;

Peace. :/

Saturday, April 18, 2009

An Honest Mistake

"People observe the colors of a day only at its beginnings and ends, but to me it's quite clear that a day merges through a multitude of shades and intonations, with each passing moment. A single hour can consist of thousands of different colors. Waxy yellows, cloud-spat blues. Murky darknesses. In my line of work, I make it a point to notice them." ~The Book Thief

Last night I went to this concert/party thing for my best friend's brother's band. They just released a CD, and they are amazing. They had it where her father works, which is at a gym. So her, her sister, and I hung around the gym for awhile while the concert was going on and we jumped on the trampoline and just acted stupid, it was great. I haven't seen her in such a long time.

Today solo/ensemble was fun, though I do think they're gonna make a special rating for my group just because we sucked so much. We started out great, then crashed, then burned, then kept on burning as we kept on going. But it was okay, at least my grade's not gonna be affected, and my friend did great, she is such a good viola player, it's ridiculous. :)

After solo/ensemble I went to Barnes & Noble with my parents, and I got The Book Thief and a CD by The Bravery. I've been wanting to read it for awhile, and one of my friends brought it with him to solo/ensemble, so while he was auditioning I read part of it and felt like I just had to read the rest. But so far it's really good.

Later I'm going to the mall with some friends. I just wanted to get this post in because hopefully I'll be out very late. I'm also going to meet my best friend's new boyfriend, she says I have to approve of him or else she'll break up with him, so yeah. :P

I think I'm going to read for a bit before I go. Hope everyone has a fantastic Saturday!

Peace. :)

Thursday, April 16, 2009

All I Need

"I am a moth who just wants to share your light. I'm just an insect trying to get out of the night. I only stick with you because there are no others; You are all I need."

Today was pretty good, though most days usually are. Only pretty good. I haven't had an absolutely amazing fantastically great day in forever.

I did have a dream about him last night, though it is getting ridiculous, I always feel better when I wake up, which did make the day start out somewhat better. Then school was like it always is: long, boring, blah. And I had homework today, it was horrible! I haven't had homework in almost three weeks, because I always do it during geometry. But finally I got it all done, and I'll hopefully ace the quiz tomorrow for biology.

I've been having more appreciation towards music lately. I've listened to a lot of Radiohead and Muse again, and I've stopped listening to the crappy pop (no offence to anyone that actually likes it, it's just not really my thing. :P) that's always playing on the radio. Listening to all the instrumentals, crescendos, chords and whatnot has really improved my taste in music, it's great. :)

In orchestra tomorrow we have to play our ensembles for class. Hopefully we'll do well. I'm never nervous for these things, I've done them so many times. But now that we have a chance to get a 4 (which, if you don't remember, is bad), I'm actually shaking when I think about it, it's that nerve-racking. :P

Hopefully all goes well.


Tuesday, April 14, 2009


"& all the roads we have to walk are winding, & all the lights that lead us there are blinding. There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how. Because maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me. & after all, you're my wonderwall."

Today was okay, not much happened. I've been having weird dreams about him for almost two weeks, every night. But, surprising, last night I didn't. I'm not even sure what I dreamed about, but I know it wasn't about him. Which almost left me a bit empty when I woke up.

Orchestra is going fine, could be much better though. Solo/ensemble is this weekend, and my group isn't very prepared. To tell the truth, we suck. No one listens to each other, and no one knows their parts. If we get lower than a 3, I'll be so pissed (1 = best, 4 = worst). Which I expect to get a 4, but whatever.

The plant sale is the next three weekends. I hope it will be just as fun or even more so than last time, last time it was a blast! I can't wait, hopefully I'll get the same time as him and my other friend.

So not much has been really going on. It's been very boring, hopefully something great will happen soon. :P

Peace. (;

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Angels on the Moon

"Death is peaceful, easy. Life is much harder."

I don't even know what's happening anymore, I really do feel like shit. Nothing could, and will never happen between us, and there's really no one else that I would date here, they're all egotistical, moronic bastards (thank you rhymezone :P) who really couldn't show love for another human being if they tried. And yes, I have looked around, that's what I did all of last week. There is one guy, but of course he already has a girlfriend. I just want to move far away from here, I don't care if I ever see him again, or not. Living here is hurting me much more than helping, and my parents choose not to see it.

I've become mentally unstable, emotional, and only slightly anorexic, (Though I'm not really, I still eat, just enough but not much, so it's okay) and I haven't slept right in weeks. Nothing is going right, and just want someone here with me, whom I know will never leave me. Someone to hold, and be strong for me instead of me pretending to be for everyone else.

In biology we're learning about "survival of the fittest" and whatnot. What I've really learned the most is I'm not built to live here. I need to live somewhere cold, and cloudy. I may not survive this environment for much longer.

*I promise I'll comment everyone back tomorrow, I'm kind of tired right now and just don't feel like it.*


Saturday, April 11, 2009

Packt Like Sardines In A Crushd Tin Box

"After years of waiting nothing came. And you realize you're looking, looking in the wrong place."

There's not really much to blog about. I took a quiz on James' blog, and just had to post the results, they were so freakin' accurate:

ColorQuiz.comI took the free personality test!

"Is extremely determined to make her presence known..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

So not much has been going on lately. Easter's tomorrow, and I have no plans at all. I'll probably just stay home and go through my iPod.

Orchestra has been fine, Solo/Ensemble is in a week or two, and we have one last concert in May. So not much is going on with that either.

Eh, I guess that's it. Happy Easter!

Peace. :P

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Mad World

"And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take. When people run in circles it's a very very, mad world, mad world."

Today wasn't too bad, it only kinda sucked. I realized awhile ago that nothing would and could never happen between "us" (him and I). So I decided to like someone else, which I did for awhile. I flirted, it seemed like he flirted back and liked me. Only today, did he mention that he had a girlfriend. Yep. Their "one month anniversary" is coming up. Ughh.

So yeah, for now I've basically given up. Only for now though, until I find someone great. Which I feel like I need, I came home today and felt soo lonely, it was ridiculous. I got to see my friend again after 5 weeks though, and that was a ton of fun. I didn't realize how much I missed her until today.

I did poorly on my geometry test, I got an 82. I think I did okay though on my biology test, I better have with all of the studying I did last night.

The plant sale for orchestra is the next three weekends, I think. That should be a ton of fun. <--sarcasm. :P I plan on signing up whenever he does, so maybe it will make it just a bit better. Woah, I just re-read that, and realized that it sounds something like a creeper would say. Heh?

I should probably shut up now.

Peace. :/

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Falling Down

"Too late, I already found what I was looking for. You know it wasn't here, no, it wasn't here. I was calling your name, but you would never hear me sing, you wouldn't let me begin. So I'm crawling away, 'cause you broke my heart in two. No, I will not forget you."

*This is the post I promised you guys awhile back, I didn't have much to post about, so I decided "Why not post this now?"*

So, why do you think this could possibly be my new favorite song? Well, first of all, I'm sure you could easily figure it out if you looked at the lyrics that are at the top of this post. If you got it, congrats to you. If you're still wondering, well, then, you're ridiculously oblivious.

It's about him. Yeah, I know, no crap Sherlock, what post hasn't been about him?? But this one's different. For this blog, at least.

I decided that he's probably not as great as I make him out to be. Maybe he really isn't what I'm looking for. Maybe, just maybe, he's the opposite. Maybe that's what made me so attracted to him: opposites attract. I guess I never realized that, now did I?

No, he's not perfect anymore. And it took a hell of a lot to realize that. No crap, I still like him. It's hard not to. But, maybe it's because I could never forget him, and that this has left me "crawling away" from this whole mess. But in the end, I realize that it's all worth it.


Today was pretty good. I just came home from school and all of a sudden was in an annoyingly happy mood. Maybe it's the exhaustion finally hitting me. But I haven't had any weird dreams in awhile. While I was on the trip, though, I had a weird dream about him. I don't remember at all what it was about, I just remmber him being there.

We had orchestra pictures today. I think mine came out pretty good, I always hate my school pictures, a lot. But I think these will be keepers. :)

I should probably study now. I have to make up a test in geometry that I missed while I was away, and I have a biology test tomorrow.

Peace. :)