Monday, March 16, 2009

Thinking About You

I need to start over. It seems like everything is spiraling downwards in my life, and I feel like I need a place to write it all down. Something to help clear my mind. So, I thought this would be the perfect spot.

So, I will explain everything, just to start this all out:

First of all, I had to move out of my favorite place, the only place that I had felt welcome in. Where my best friends were. The temperature was perfect, the people were perfect. I loved it there.

So, we (meaning my parents and I; I'm an only child.) have lived here for awhile. I have only one true best friend here-I hate mostly everyone here. It's too hot, sunny, bright, I basically hate everything about living here.

I can't really tell my one best friend everything that's happening. (Hence the blog.) She has more problems than I do. Right now, this very second as I'm typing this, she's back in the mental hospital for the second time. She tried to kill herself, the first time cutting, and the more recent is starving herself to lose weight. She is really my only friend here, the only person I can tell everything to. And when she's gone, it only makes me miss her even more, and realize how much she means to me.

I love this one guy, and I mean LOVE. I would do anything to make him happy. I have known him since the first day we lived here, when he showed me around the school. I would kill myself if it would save his life. Unfortunately, I found out that he never liked me. He had lead me on for the longest time. I could have sworn that he did-he made me think he did. He always knew that I liked him, but did nothing about it, not to tell me that he didn't like me back. No, of course not, why would he do that? And what's worse is it hurts when I'm not around him, and it feels nearly impossible to just get over him.

Every guy that I like or have liked seems to not like me back, or at least not in that way.

That's the most basic summary of what's going on right now. Why say everything in only the first post? There's much more to be said, and want to be able to keep this blog for awhile. I have already had two other blogs, ones which came to an abrupt stop. I'm not sure if I just got tired of them or what, but hopefully this one will be a keeper.

One last thing: Every post title will be a song that I'm listening to right now, or one that describes the mood I'm currently in. This one: Thinking About You by Radiohead. Great song.


Ali said...

Well I'mglad your back. I'm sorry about your friend. Do I know this person? LIke...does she have a blog that I follow? And I'm sorry about your friend Victoria.

Welcome back. (:

childhood said...

As ali said welcome back! i am so sorry that you lost your friend and had to move from the place you love. it must have been hell. :( anyway, hoprefully i will keep in touch.

Cursed♪♫ said...

I'm glad you're back and trust me, it's not only you whose feeling all lost. really..let go of that boy. I'm sure you'll get someone better. I mean it. you're a wonderful girl and I really don't think you should go behind someone. I'm totally sure that you'll get someone better. It's sad to know about your best friend. Umm...2nd time yea. Looks like she's going through something really bad. Else killing oneself is the last option. Hope she gets back to her normal self soon. Take care Vic. Don't loose home at all. You really rock :) And I'm sure that a girl like you will be able 2 handle situations very well. *HugZz*

Cursed♪♫ said...


•bLue-eyed sOuL• said...

glad!!U r back!!missed u!!

krl said...