a beautiful lie

"Your defenses were on high, your walls built deep inside. Yeah I'm a selfish bastard, but at least I'm not alone. My intentions never change, what I want still stays the same. And I know what I should do, it's time to set myself on fire."

Thursday and Friday were such awesome days, I wish days like that would happen more often. Like I was completely happy with everything, which I haven't been in so freaking long. We had orchestra pictures on Thursday and him and I talked for most of the period, and we were the last to have our pictures taken so we stayed late to get those done. It was really, really nice.

On Friday we had a surprise birthday party for our orchestra teacher early in the morning, which was amazingly fun. He wasn't there, but I had an amazing time with my best friends. Then during orchestra he was there (it was a half day and we didn't have to be there) but he was sleeping and I didn't want to wake him up. But when the bell almost rang he woke up and we talked for a bit (his eyes were so freaking blue, btw :P ). Then my friend went up behind me and was motioning and mouthing to him to hug me, haha. I asked him later if he understood her, and he did. He said he didn't want to because he didn't know if I really wanted him to (no shit sherlock, of course I want you to, I've told you three times I want you to hug me).

And also since Friday was a half day, me and three of my best friends walked to chik fil a for lunch, then we walked to our friend's house where we looked up YouTube videos, played apples to apples, then played hide and seek in the woods behind her house. It was awesome. :)

On Tuesday we planned to hang out today, but then this morning he texted me and said he couldn't. It's gonna be hard on Monday to repeatedly explain to all my friends that we didn't hang out. Because it did hurt a lot. I really wanted to see him. So that has made the beginning of my weekend suck, especially that all of my other friends are already busy. So I'm going to sit at home like a loser tonight and watch Twilight, haha. It's just I was so excited all week that I'd get to see him again, then I felt like I got crushed. I was hoping to get that hug today, haha. Guess not though. :/

Everyone keeps on saying how that Monday we hung out (which was the first and last time we had) that it was a date. No one understands that it wasn't. It pisses me off that I can't and don't want to explain to anyone everything to make it make sense. Ugh.

"Is this the only evidence that proves it? A photograph of you and I, your reflection I've erased like a thousand burned out yesterdays. Believe me when I say goodbye forever."

So I guess I am going to quote Twilight by saying his mood swings are giving me whiplash. I guess we'll see how next week turns out.

"I need you so much closer."