Some Crap About the Future

On Saturday one of my guy friends had asked me to hang out. Another girl was supposed to come too, but she bailed so it was just me and him. It was so weird. It was fun, but the whole time it just didn't seem right. He kept on nudging me during the movie, and he grabbed my wrist, which I thought was weird. Then when the movie was over at 9 he just left. He left me alone at the mall.

I was supposed to hang out with a guy that I like a lot earlier that day. But he got grounded and couldn't go. So when the guy left me there, I asked him to come since I still had about an hour left till I had to be home. But he was at work an hour later than he planned to be and we couldn't. So that sucked.

I had a dream Sunday or Monday night, that the guy I saw the movie with (Karate Kid, great movie btw) were hanging out, and we ended up on the floor in my mom's office by the front door. He kept moving closer, like he wanted to kiss me. And so I let him. And it was very nice, and it felt like my first kiss. But then I heard my mom coming so I pulled away from him, but he didn't want to stop. So that was nice. When I woke up I was so disappointed it didn't really happen. It felt so real though. By now I just want to get my first kiss over with, it doesn't really matter who it's with.

Tomorrow's my birthday. I'm going to be sixteen, finally. :)

The title is an Electric President song. It's not relevant to the post; I was just listening to Electric President as I was typing this up.

"I wonder if anyone thinks of me when they can't fall asleep at night.."

"I want a boy who will move the hair away from my eyes, and then kiss me. Who will hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous. A boy who will sing to me at random moments. Who lets me sleep on his chest. I want a guy who will tell his family and friends all about me. Bring me soup or orange juice when I’m sick. I want a boy who is more goofy than romantic, but knows the right things to say at the right times. I want a boy who will call me 3 times a day if he went away. A boy who will apologize for calling too much, and no matter how many times I tell him its okay, he’d still do it. A boy who will let me gossip to him and just smile and agree with everything I say. A boy who will throw stuffed animals at me when I acted dumb and then jump on me and kiss me a million times. Who will bet kisses on who could beat who at a game. Who makes fun of me just to make me laugh. A boy who will surprise me with a 25 cent ring and we could have contest of how far we can spit our gum. Who will take me to the park, put his hands around my waist and give me big bear hugs all the time. A boy who will kiss my neck, just to have a reason to tell me how much he loves my new perfume. I want a boy who, at night, will dance in his pajamas with me. A boy who will take pictures in photo booths with me, someone who will never turn down a trip to the lake and who will play tag on the beach with me. A boy who could sit with me on the kitchen floor and eat sandwiches. Who will kiss me in the pouring rain. I want a boy who would try to teach me how to play the guitar, even if we just end up laughing at each other. I want a boy who will run his fingers through my hair, share his lollipops with me, and get along with all of my friends. Someone who would never be afraid to say I love you in front of his friends and someone who would argue with me about silly things just to make up. I want a boy who will take me to Target to just make fun of some of the stuff there. Someone who will kiss me at midnight on New Years and who will make funny faces at me when I’m on the phone. I want a boy who will count stars with me and be friends with my family. I want a boy who will stay home with me on a Friday night just to help me make dinner and watch movies together under the same blanket. Someone who will squirt water guns at me in the house after I’ve got him soaked. I want a boy who looks me the eye and tell me something serious, that was also funny and make me promise not to laugh. A boy who could make me laugh like no one else can. I want a boy who will hold me closer than normal when I’m sick, and would play with my hair. But mostly I want a boy who is my best friend and will always be there for me."

Okay, so I lied, no exciting post today. BUT I think I'm going to make a Tumblr to post all of the random pictures and quotes and crap I find that I usually post on here, and post important things that happen on my blogger blog. I'll post the link next time I'm on here. I also promise to comment and check up on everyone's blogs soon.

♥

Edit: Here's my Tumblr blog. Follow me if you want. :)

"You deserve better"..."I don't want better, I want you." ♥

JUST FOR TODAY:

Decide to be happy, to live with what is yours. If you can't have what you want, maybe you can like what you have. Decide to be kind. Be cheerful. Be agreeable. Be friendly and understanding. Be your best, dress your best. Talk softly. Look for the bright side of things. Praise people instead of criticizing them.

Just for today, try it. After all, it's just for a day. Who knows? You might like it and do it again tomorrow. Then, what a life it could be. :)

"What if this time, I don't say hi first?
What if this time, I don't text you back?
What if this time, I leave you wondering?

Yeah. What if this time,
you're the one left feeling completely f#&ked over."

*Proper post tomorrow, pinky promise. :P

sometimes, all you can do is try

“That’s the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.

Also, ask me anything:
http://www.formspring.me/throughmywords

sitting.waiting.wishing♥

If you have a dream about someone, then that person went to sleep thinking about you.

"I'm so used to boys breaking my heart that i carry a bottle of SuperGlue in my pocket."

happiness: no worry; the feeling of safe and comfort inside you.

finding an amazing new artist.
when he smiles at you.
spinning around in the rain.
unexpected texts.
finding something you thought you lost.
feeling pretty.
winning an argument.
getting letters in the mail.
noticing something you never had.
slipping on your new pair of shoes.
cheering someone up.
the smell of rain.
cloudy days.
a big hug when you need it from that special someone.
the first snowfall of the year.
driving with the windows down and the music blasting.
a quiet walk alone.
laying in bed on a weekend after you just woke up and daydreaming.
freshly shaved legs touching bed sheets.
rereading a good book.
taking a hot bath.
hearing your favorite song on the radio.
a really good hair day.
summer nights.
that clean feeling after a shower.
when you like someone and no one else knows you like them.
knowing that everything will be okay.

3 1/2 days left of school. 24 days until my birthday.

my head says, "Who cares?" but then my heart whispers, "You do, stupid."