Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Angels on the Moon [again]


*I apologize in advance for the long-ness of this. This was based on the dream that I had so long ago, I just felt like I needed to expand on it, that it would help me sort out everything in my head. That this would, finally, make me get over him. Which sorta did, but I still thought that this turned out pretty well.* (;

It was the last day of school. I quickly walked down the crowded hallway, pushing my way through the many couples that were crowding it, each giving each other looks of pure love and admiration. "Sick" I muttered to myself as I finally arrived at my second period class, the class that had always brung me so much pleasure, world geography.

It was different than my other classes, which was why I always wanted to get there as early as possible. Not only was he there, sitting next to me, asking for answers. But he always acted differently in this class than any other we've ever had together. Like he actually cared about what I had to say. Though he did make the occasional short joke, but seriously, who didn't? None of our other friends were there, no one there that we both knew. So finally, after so long of waiting, I got a chance to be together with him, my only chance. Which never lasted long enough, of course.

He was already there, like always, waiting for me. I sat down as he smiled at me. "Hey." he said, as he always did. And, as always, my response: "Hi." With a smile in return, of course.

Today seemed to be a bit different than the rest. I could feel some tension between him and I, something I've felt only too often when we were around other people. But never when it was just us. I turned to look at him, to look into his deep blue eyes. His dark brown hair was starting to get in the way. But today didn't seem like it would be the best day to joke about his hair with him.

"What's on your mind?" I asked him.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it."

I nodded once, still looking into his eyes, then slowly turned away. I couldn't help but notice how close he seemed to me today, our desks closer than usual.

Class then started. Luckily it was just a working period where we could work on homework. Since we were in the back, we could easily talk unnoticed. Which is what we usually did. We both slid a bit closer to each other, then got out our homework, pretending to work. Two other girls, who could be considered more of acquaintances than friends, decided to move over to where we were and worked with us. I could obviously tell they both had a crush on him. Even him, as oblivious as he was, could tell. But, fortunately, he never paid any attention to them.

We worked like that for awhile, in silence. I occasionally caught him looking at me, his bright blue eyes even brighter than usual, looking at me uncertainly. As our eyes met each time, he'd quickly look away. By then I knew that something was wrong.

The two girls quickly got up and left to who knows where, leaving just me and him alone, like it always had been. He looked at me, our eyes meeting for what seemed like more than it actually was, before he finally told me what I had been waiting to hear for awhile. "I have something important to tell you."

My heart started to beat uncontrollably, not knowing what he could possibly need to tell me, me of all people. I tried to calmly say "What?" but knew that I would fail miserably at it, so I just nodded slowly, my eyes begging him to continue.

"Well, " he started, hesitating. "I've decided something. Something I think to be important." His eyes never leaving mine, wondering what I was thinking. "And what would that be?" I asked. We both knew that my voice was shaking as he slowly slid closer to me. He picked up my left hand, which was trembling on my knee, and held it carefully in both of his. "I've been wanting to do this for awhile. I was afraid, though I knew how you felt, which didn't make it any better." He said, smiling, laughing quietly as the confusion seeped even more into me. "What did you decide?" I asked quietly, afraid to talk even louder than a whisper to ruin the moment.

"This."

He took my other hand, stood me up, and put both of his hands gently on my face. He leaned down slowly, as I felt his cool breathe against my lips. He hesitated, then even slower than I thought possible, gently put his lips against mine.

I had never felt more of a rush than I had with this moment that I wanted to last forever. He moved his right hand to my hip, gently putting it there, then his other hand around the back of my neck. He knew how I felt about that, but also knew that he was the only person who could do that without making me jump. But the chills that that gave me felt incredible, better than anything could ever feel.

He slowly backed away, looking into my eyes. Both of us were trying to catch our breath, knowing that our friendship would never be the same. But both knowing that something more incredible was waiting for us just around the corner.

That's where my dream ended, me waking suddenly, shaking, feeling alone and empty, knowing that that could never possibly happen.


As you could obviously tell I was quite bored yesterday and today. Not much to do, I thought, "Hey, why don't I expand on the dream?!" So I did. Yay for me for finally doing something productive this week.

I have to go back to school tomorrow, hopefully I'll feel a bit better and be able to wake up by 7.

Peace. :/

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Bruises


"I tried to do handstands for you, I tried to do headstands for you. Every time I fell on you, yeah every time I fell. I tried to do handstands for you, but every time I fell for you, I'm permanently black and blue, permanently blue for you."

So far this week has been pretty good, not much has been going on though. I've just been listening to a bunch of music and whatnot.

another quiz:
You Are the Library
You are very intellectual and well read. You tend to be absorbed in your own interests.You can seem a bit standoffish. To be honest, you're not that interested in other people.You are comforted by the things you own. You tend to be a pack rat.It's likely that you have many old possessions that you treasure. You rarely throw anything away.

^These have been getting ridiculously accurate lately. :P

Yes, I am still sick, unfortunately. I want to get out of the house soon or I might go insane. I might just have to fake feeling good tomorrow. (;

Hopefully something exciting and blog-worthy happens this week. :P

Peace.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Such Great Heights


"I'm looking at you through the glass; don't know how much time has passed. Oh God, it feels like forever, but no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head." ~Stone Sour, Through Glass

Blech. I'm sick, it's so gross. I don't have Swine Flu, but I have a terrible sore throat, and I can't breathe out of my nose. I didn't go to school yesterday, thankfully. But, because of the Swine Flu, there's no school for next week. And we don't have to make it up, so awesome.

"The only thing worse than a boy who hates you - a boy who loves you." ~The Book Thief.

Also, because of the Swine Flu, we had to move our concert and banquet for orchestra up a week. Which is good, because I still have to find a dress. Oh joy. And we aren't allowed to work at the plant sale this weeked, only our parents could. I wouldn't have been allowed to go anyway, me being sick and all.

"It's like I'm drowning in my own darkness, my own misery. I just want to swim back up to the surface, to finally be able to breathe again. Though I might need some help, I will find someone, one day. I just hope I don't drag them down with me, deeper and deeper into the water.."

I have no idea what I could possibly do next week. Though we are off from school, we're not allowed to leave home. Still fun? Nah, not much. I will be able to sleep though, I am so tired right now. All my dreams have been really clouded, like I have no idea what's happening in them. I can remember having a dream, just not what it's about, it's so frustrating.

"How do you feel? That is the question, but I forget, you don't expect an easy answer. When something like a soul becomes initialized and folded up like paper dolls and little notes, you can't expect a bit of hope. So while you're outside looking in, describing what you see, remember what you're staring at is me."

Quizzes [blogthings.com]:

When you think of love, you think of committing to one person for the rest of your life.In love, you see things how they could be. You are wrapped up in your own dreams.If you are in love, you like to keep it a secret for a while. It feels more special that way.You are patient in love. You are willing to wait for the right person and the right time.

Life has required you to go your own way and do your own thing.You've been taught to rely on yourself. You don't feel comfortable relying on others.You are highly motivated and aggressive. You have no problem getting things done and getting what you want.You feel like you have to look out for yourself, because no one else is.

"I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images, and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned. I have to speculate that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes, like puzzle pieces from the clay. True, it may seem like a stretch, but its thoughts like this that catch my troubled head when you're away. When I am missing you to death."

^The song Such Great Heights, was originally done by Iron & Wine, but there is also a cover of it by The Postal Service, both of which are on Playlist.com. I reccomend looking them both up, both are very good.

Peace. :/

*EDIT: Everyone thinks that I was the one with swine flu who closed the whole dstrict down. Ugh.*