Lost Cause

"& She's so scared to get close to anyone. Because everyone that ever said "I'll be there", left."

It's been awhile since I last posted hasn't it? Well, I actually have much to say this time: :)

Friday went very well. The best day ever in orchestra, and I basically just felt good the whole day. Which doesn't usually happen. I also got an iPod touch, and it is just so amazing, I love it. :)

Friday night I had a sleepover at a friend's house. I felt uncomfortable most of the time though. I hate people touching me, even the slightest movement makes me jump now. It always seems like she has to touch me, always, and I always back away. So apart from the short jokes every five minutes, she'd tell me that I hate her because I don't like her touching me. Hellooo!! I don't like ANYONE touching me!!! Ughh. It just really pissed me off.

Saturday we went to the jazz festival. It was quite fun, the music was pretty good. She was just being annoying, but that was really it.

Sunday I went to the plant sale, and that was a ton of fun. My friend who moved to a different school showed up for awhile and helped out. I had missed her so much, it was great to see her again. :)

This week we've had exams, so the freshmen have been able to go to school about two hours later, so it felt great to sleep in for a bit. Unfortunately we're only going to have orchestra every other day this week. Our concert is coming up soon, and our end of year banquet after that. I have to go find a dress to wear to that now, that should be an adventure. (;

One of my guy friends just left. He won't talk to me anymore, and I refuse to talk to him now. I just wished that I knew what had happened between us, why I feel that he all of a sudden hates me. It's a horrible feeling, I just wish he knew how much I miss him.

I've gotten into drawing now. I might post some later, once I get better. It's just the shading, it's so difficult! :P

That's basically it.

Peace. :/

Subterranean Homesick Alien

"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you will never walk alone. People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Never throw out anyone. -Audrey Hepburn

^Told you I'd use it sooner or later, if you still read this. :P

This week has been pretty good so far (It seems like every week has only been "pretty good", hasn't it?).

Today I went to the eye doctor, which I have to go every six months because my eyes are so messed up, but we haven't been to one since we moved here, so this was a pretty big deal. :P They corrected my vision from 20-60 to 20-30 with glasses, it's really great! I can't wait to get a new pair of glasses, I desperately need them. My eyes are still blurry from the drops they gave me, so my computer screen is a bit blurry still. :P

The plant sale is this weekend, so I hope I can go to that, and the Jazz Festival with my friend, and my best friend's "belated" birthday party, which her real birthday is tomorrow. So thankfully I'll be busy. :)

I don't know why I'm using all these smileys, it's starting to irritate me now... :/

Oh, and I wanted to post this too:

• Anthropophobia - Fear of people


• Atychiphobia - Fear of failure


• Achluophobia - Fear of darkness


• Autophobia - Fear of being alone


• Dystychiphobia - Fear of accidents


• Pistanthrophobia - Fear of trusting


• Philophobia - Fear of love

I'm really tired, I find that the more sleep I get the more tired I am. Go figure, especially now that I want to sleep. Because, well, yeah. You know. (;

Peace. :/

An Honest Mistake

"People observe the colors of a day only at its beginnings and ends, but to me it's quite clear that a day merges through a multitude of shades and intonations, with each passing moment. A single hour can consist of thousands of different colors. Waxy yellows, cloud-spat blues. Murky darknesses. In my line of work, I make it a point to notice them." ~The Book Thief

Last night I went to this concert/party thing for my best friend's brother's band. They just released a CD, and they are amazing. They had it where her father works, which is at a gym. So her, her sister, and I hung around the gym for awhile while the concert was going on and we jumped on the trampoline and just acted stupid, it was great. I haven't seen her in such a long time.

Today solo/ensemble was fun, though I do think they're gonna make a special rating for my group just because we sucked so much. We started out great, then crashed, then burned, then kept on burning as we kept on going. But it was okay, at least my grade's not gonna be affected, and my friend did great, she is such a good viola player, it's ridiculous. :)

After solo/ensemble I went to Barnes & Noble with my parents, and I got The Book Thief and a CD by The Bravery. I've been wanting to read it for awhile, and one of my friends brought it with him to solo/ensemble, so while he was auditioning I read part of it and felt like I just had to read the rest. But so far it's really good.

Later I'm going to the mall with some friends. I just wanted to get this post in because hopefully I'll be out very late. I'm also going to meet my best friend's new boyfriend, she says I have to approve of him or else she'll break up with him, so yeah. :P

I think I'm going to read for a bit before I go. Hope everyone has a fantastic Saturday!

Peace. :)

All I Need

"I am a moth who just wants to share your light. I'm just an insect trying to get out of the night. I only stick with you because there are no others; You are all I need."

Today was pretty good, though most days usually are. Only pretty good. I haven't had an absolutely amazing fantastically great day in forever.

I did have a dream about him last night, though it is getting ridiculous, I always feel better when I wake up, which did make the day start out somewhat better. Then school was like it always is: long, boring, blah. And I had homework today, it was horrible! I haven't had homework in almost three weeks, because I always do it during geometry. But finally I got it all done, and I'll hopefully ace the quiz tomorrow for biology.

I've been having more appreciation towards music lately. I've listened to a lot of Radiohead and Muse again, and I've stopped listening to the crappy pop (no offence to anyone that actually likes it, it's just not really my thing. :P) that's always playing on the radio. Listening to all the instrumentals, crescendos, chords and whatnot has really improved my taste in music, it's great. :)

In orchestra tomorrow we have to play our ensembles for class. Hopefully we'll do well. I'm never nervous for these things, I've done them so many times. But now that we have a chance to get a 4 (which, if you don't remember, is bad), I'm actually shaking when I think about it, it's that nerve-racking. :P

Hopefully all goes well.

Peace.

Wonderwall

"& all the roads we have to walk are winding, & all the lights that lead us there are blinding. There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how. Because maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me. & after all, you're my wonderwall."

Today was okay, not much happened. I've been having weird dreams about him for almost two weeks, every night. But, surprising, last night I didn't. I'm not even sure what I dreamed about, but I know it wasn't about him. Which almost left me a bit empty when I woke up.

Orchestra is going fine, could be much better though. Solo/ensemble is this weekend, and my group isn't very prepared. To tell the truth, we suck. No one listens to each other, and no one knows their parts. If we get lower than a 3, I'll be so pissed (1 = best, 4 = worst). Which I expect to get a 4, but whatever.

The plant sale is the next three weekends. I hope it will be just as fun or even more so than last time, last time it was a blast! I can't wait, hopefully I'll get the same time as him and my other friend.

So not much has been really going on. It's been very boring, hopefully something great will happen soon. :P

Peace. (;

Angels on the Moon

"Death is peaceful, easy. Life is much harder."

I don't even know what's happening anymore, I really do feel like shit. Nothing could, and will never happen between us, and there's really no one else that I would date here, they're all egotistical, moronic bastards (thank you rhymezone :P) who really couldn't show love for another human being if they tried. And yes, I have looked around, that's what I did all of last week. There is one guy, but of course he already has a girlfriend. I just want to move far away from here, I don't care if I ever see him again, or not. Living here is hurting me much more than helping, and my parents choose not to see it.

I've become mentally unstable, emotional, and only slightly anorexic, (Though I'm not really, I still eat, just enough but not much, so it's okay) and I haven't slept right in weeks. Nothing is going right, and just want someone here with me, whom I know will never leave me. Someone to hold, and be strong for me instead of me pretending to be for everyone else.

In biology we're learning about "survival of the fittest" and whatnot. What I've really learned the most is I'm not built to live here. I need to live somewhere cold, and cloudy. I may not survive this environment for much longer.

*I promise I'll comment everyone back tomorrow, I'm kind of tired right now and just don't feel like it.*

Peace.

Packt Like Sardines In A Crushd Tin Box

"After years of waiting nothing came. And you realize you're looking, looking in the wrong place."

There's not really much to blog about. I took a quiz on James' blog, and just had to post the results, they were so freakin' accurate:

I took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Is extremely determined to make her presence known..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

So not much has been going on lately. Easter's tomorrow, and I have no plans at all. I'll probably just stay home and go through my iPod.

Orchestra has been fine, Solo/Ensemble is in a week or two, and we have one last concert in May. So not much is going on with that either.

Eh, I guess that's it. Happy Easter!


Peace. :P

Mad World

"And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take. When people run in circles it's a very very, mad world, mad world."

Today wasn't too bad, it only kinda sucked. I realized awhile ago that nothing would and could never happen between "us" (him and I). So I decided to like someone else, which I did for awhile. I flirted, it seemed like he flirted back and liked me. Only today, did he mention that he had a girlfriend. Yep. Their "one month anniversary" is coming up. Ughh.

So yeah, for now I've basically given up. Only for now though, until I find someone great. Which I feel like I need, I came home today and felt soo lonely, it was ridiculous. I got to see my friend again after 5 weeks though, and that was a ton of fun. I didn't realize how much I missed her until today.

I did poorly on my geometry test, I got an 82. I think I did okay though on my biology test, I better have with all of the studying I did last night.

The plant sale for orchestra is the next three weekends, I think. That should be a ton of fun. <--sarcasm. :P I plan on signing up whenever he does, so maybe it will make it just a bit better. Woah, I just re-read that, and realized that it sounds something like a creeper would say. Heh?

I should probably shut up now.

Peace. :/

Falling Down

"Too late, I already found what I was looking for. You know it wasn't here, no, it wasn't here. I was calling your name, but you would never hear me sing, you wouldn't let me begin. So I'm crawling away, 'cause you broke my heart in two. No, I will not forget you."

*This is the post I promised you guys awhile back, I didn't have much to post about, so I decided "Why not post this now?"*

So, why do you think this could possibly be my new favorite song? Well, first of all, I'm sure you could easily figure it out if you looked at the lyrics that are at the top of this post. If you got it, congrats to you. If you're still wondering, well, then, you're ridiculously oblivious.

It's about him. Yeah, I know, no crap Sherlock, what post hasn't been about him?? But this one's different. For this blog, at least.

I decided that he's probably not as great as I make him out to be. Maybe he really isn't what I'm looking for. Maybe, just maybe, he's the opposite. Maybe that's what made me so attracted to him: opposites attract. I guess I never realized that, now did I?

No, he's not perfect anymore. And it took a hell of a lot to realize that. No crap, I still like him. It's hard not to. But, maybe it's because I could never forget him, and that this has left me "crawling away" from this whole mess. But in the end, I realize that it's all worth it.

~~~

Today was pretty good. I just came home from school and all of a sudden was in an annoyingly happy mood. Maybe it's the exhaustion finally hitting me. But I haven't had any weird dreams in awhile. While I was on the trip, though, I had a weird dream about him. I don't remember at all what it was about, I just remmber him being there.

We had orchestra pictures today. I think mine came out pretty good, I always hate my school pictures, a lot. But I think these will be keepers. :)

I should probably study now. I have to make up a test in geometry that I missed while I was away, and I have a biology test tomorrow.

Peace. :)

Beautiful Day

"It's a beautiful day; the sky falls and you feel like it's a beautiful day. Don’t let it get away."

The trip was probably the most fun I've had in awhile, I felt completely stress-free (except before the competition, of course), and I haven't felt that way in forever! It was amazing, and I shall explain everything in this post: (so it should be incredibly long) :)

thursday:
I had to get up at 4:00, went to the school at around 5:45, then we left at about 6:30, I think. We rode in the charter bus (a very fancy bus) until about 11, where we got out to go to the Capitol. Luckily we did the most boring thing first, so it wouldn't end up being a very anti-climatic trip. We did a scavenger hunt there, and we split up into groups of four, with my roommates and one of my guys friends, which lasted for not that long, we left probably after an hour, and ate lunch on the bus. Now, I should mention, that I got the "worst" seat on the bus, behind him. Yep, you may be thinking "How could that be the worst??" Well, he shakes his leg without thinking, and he's tall. So my entire seat was shaking for most of the time we were on the bus. But it was fine. :)

Enough about him (for now, at least). After we left the Capitol we went to the Natural Bridge Caverns, which you can read about here and see some pictures of it. It was amazing, though our orchestra director said, since it was underground, that it should be cold. But no, it was ridiculously humid and hot. But it was still fun, and it was so amazing down there. :)

After that we went to the hotel, where we got ready to go to dinner, and organized all of our bags and stuff in our rooms. We went to a Mexican restaurant, where after we could go shopping, but of course our table didn't get finished until much later than everyone else's, so we didn't get a chance to shop. :( Our food came out incredibly late, and they forgot to give us menus when we first got there. Which I don't know how that happened. But my friends and I (my roommates) just joked around and came up with a ridiculous amount of inside jokes. :)

After that we went back to the hotel, which we got lost on the way there (we got lost many times during the trip).

friday:

We woke up at 5:30, went downstairs and ate breakfast, came back upstairs and got ready for our competition. We did amazing there-we got a superior rating! Which is the best you can get. :) Both of our orchestras got superior, and we both did an amazing performance, but not our best, I'm almost positive that everyone wanted to burn that music we had played it so much. We left for the hotel after (and got lost, again, trying to find our way back to it). When we got back we went back up to get ready for SeaWorld! It was a ton of fun, we went on all of the roller coasters that were there, and I found out my addiction to them. I used to be terrified of them, but now I love them. My friends and I also go to pet a dolphin. There was a "morbidly obese" one there, whom I thought was adorable. Then after we went to see Shamu (because you have to when you go there (;) And a few other shows.

We left there and went to dinner at a pizza/gaming place. We went go karting and played all of the ridiculously lame games that were there. It was a ton of fun. :) Though, I know think that that guy I mentioned way back in my old blog (click here! and ignore the blog title, I never changed it back. :P) likes me. I'm almost positive now. He wanted me to play a racing game with him, which I sucked at, by the way, never let me drive, ever. And, I don't know, I just get that feeling, y'know? Different then what I felt with him.

Then we went back to the hotel, where my friends and I prank called our guy friend's room, then we went up to their room and hung out for awhile.

saturday:
We got to sleep in for a bit longer then we did the day before. We woke up at around 8, then went downstairs to eat breakfast. Luckily, my friends and I got the last three seats to our guy friends table, which was all guys, including him. The girls that usually are attached to them gave us dirty looks as they passed, it was pretty great. :)

We went to the Alamo, which I was disappointed. We didn't get to see the basement of the Alamo. (; Hah, just kidding. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, click here to see the movie on YouTube. (I think it's part 6.) It's one of the most stupid movies ever, just thought it was kind of funny. :P

We didn't do much there, just walked around and went to the gift shop. It was pretty cool. :)

Then after, we went to Six Flags, which was probably the best part of the trip. We went on a butt load of roller coasters. Well, as much as we could go on, because the lines were so long.

At 8 we went to our awards ceremony, where we got three trophies from the competition on Friday. It was a ton of fun.

Then after that we went on one last roller coaster, probably the worst one you could go on at night. :) First, you go backwards, up really high. All the while you're looking down, able to see how high you are and feeling like you're going to fall out. Then you go forwards really fast, then when you get back up to the other high point, you go back down backwards, then forward again. Probably one of the best rides that I went on yesterday. :)

We took an orchestra picture right before we left. *Note to self: remember what happened there.* Not going to post about it, it's nothing bad or embarrassing, don't worry. :) It did have something to do with him.. (;

Then we left Six Flags at 9:30, and rode back home. We didn't get back until about 3:30 in the morning. It was disappointing to go back home, it was a ton of fun.

That was my weekend, I do not want to go back to school tomorrow.

Peace. :)